Extraordinary.

This word comes up in my life surprisingly often. Or maybe unsurprisingly often. I don't know.
[You guys know I'm not a foo-foo kind of girl who uses flowery language, and I try to use my vocabulary carefully, right? Well, I do. So remember that.]
Truth be told, it is something I have hungered for [there it is] for years of my life: Extraordinary.

I want to be a person who lives a life outside of my own strength.
Who possesses a love that is not of myself.
Who thinks and acts in a way that defies norms, rules, regulations, expectations, and limitations.

I want to be like Jesus. I want to love like He loves, to act and live in a way that He would approve of, to speak with words that He gives, and to appreciate, enjoy, and worship Him above all else.
Its difficult. It does not come easily, nor does it always come naturally.

Extraordinary is something I strive for, something I seek after, something I run toward.
While I know I will never reach any pinnacle on earth that tells me, "You've arrived; don't try anymore.", I know that it is something that is attainable here and now.

"I'm tired of striving to be who You already say that I am. I am Yours." 
[My Epic]

As that song says, everything beautiful in me is of Him. It is not something that I can create or manufacture. But it IS something I have been given, something I possess, and something I can apprehend and walk in. I don't need to strive and struggle to try to be who God already says that I am... I am who He created me to be. In a lot of ways, I am currently learning what that means. I am learning what He has created me for. There are certain "callings" or opportunites He has placed me in; strengths, interests, and passions He has given me.

However, just because I am currently in youth ministry doesn't mean that I have to be in youth ministry for the rest of my life if I ever want Him to use me. As a matter of fact, I see that door slowly closing as another has opened.

Instead, I am realizing that God has created me for a purpose: to enjoy Him in all of His worth. There are many varying specifics with that statement. I can enjoy God and His worth in my present job, in my future job, in my community involvement, in my relationships, in conversation, in my thoughts, in my motives, in my actions, in my goals and future plans, in my hopes and dreams, in what has been given to me and what has been taken away.

I can look to Him and see His hand in my life. Even in the areas where I don't presently see the "why" or the "how" of certain details, I can lean on Him and trust Him, because what He has promised, He will be faithful to complete. So, in my daily life: At work, in that conversation with the grocery store clerk, at church, in time spent with my family, in my own personal research of topics I find interesting, in my weekly coffee dates with different girls to talk about life as it pertains to the Gospel of Jesus Christ-- I am being who He created me to be. I'm not at all saying that any of these days go by without mess-ups and failures and slips of the tongue and thoughts of frustration, but that, in the midst of the realism that I am very much a normal human being who slips up on the daily, God is able to do extraordinary things, because He is just that good.

I am loved by an extraordinary God who loves me so incredibly much that He never looks at me and thinks, "Oh, its her." or "Why do I bother with that one?" but who loves me simply because He chooses to do so. He sacrificed His pride& joy-- His Son-- so that I could partake in that joy and be one with Christ. Jesus has put His identity in me, and has hidden me in Himself, and has remade me.

I am accepted. I am loved. I am wanted. We all are! Isn't that crazy?

The God of the universe chooses to love us with an everlasting love; a love that will not fail or pause or fall through. He will not change His mind. He won't love us one day and wake up the next to realize He's just kind of over it. He is UNFAILING. His affections are strong, every single day. And He is able to make each and every person extraordinary, and to enable us and equip us to live lives that reflect that. He can do it, and He will, if we will accept.

"Extraordinary things only happen to extraordinary people. Perhaps you have an extraordinary destiny."
-Reepicheep the Mouse; Voyage of the Dawn Treader

I don't know who reads this, so I apologize if what I'm about to say sounds completely bizarre:
I know that I have an incredible future ahead of me. That is something that God has promised me; not just generally in the Bible, but specifically. It is also something that has been prophesied over me several times in my life, particularly recently. Four different people have said the same thing; all unbeknownst to each other, all at different times. They have told me that God's seal is upon me, and that God has been preparing me and is still preparing me for a great purpose; and for a specific plan that He wants me to be a part of; because He can use the specific gifts the Holy Spirit has given me for the glory of His name.

Its crazy. I have often felt that I want to do something big for God; that I want to be involved in something that is so much greater than myself. I can truthfully say, it isn't just because I want to be some hotshot, or the center of attention. I hate being in the spotlight, and rather prefer working behind the scenes, or doing things casually and naturally, rather than being the one on stage or with a microphone. I'm a helper. I like helping people get where they need to be, or doing the small, insignificant tasks and dealing with the details so that the people who are in leadership can do their thing without getting overloaded. That was what I did in Spain. I had about 6 job descriptions, but mostly what my job consisted of was taking care of paperwork, details, organizing, facilitating, and fine-tuning things so that the teachers of the school could focus on studying and teaching, without being plagued by small tasks. I'd make a pretty good personal assistant, because I actually love doing that kind of stuff-- just simple things to help someone else do what they need to do or be where they need to be.

Hmm. Tangent. Anyway, like I said before, I have often had such an ache [there it is again] to do something big for God, to be involved in something important, that helps people practically, while simultaneously sharing the truth and love of Jesus Christ.
At times I've thought that its a farfetched dream, because I have felt I have nothing to offer. I have no degree [I mean, seriously, what's an AA in Theology really going to do for me?], no high-salary job, no investments. I live with my parents and work at a thrift store for crying out loud. Its enough to make me think I need to go make something of myself and have a degree or wad of cash to offer God, almost as a bribe so that He will find me useful.

But then He reminds me that all He asks for is my life. And He's got it. I've already given it to Him.
I don't need to make anything of myself that He isn't directing, because then He'd just have to break me and remake me anyway... and He's already doing that!
I know that God wants me to follow Him, to seek Him, to love Him and enjoy Him, and to be yielded to Him so that He can mold me and point me in the direction He wants me to walk in. He has made me useful, because the identity of Jesus Christ is in me. That is what gives me worth. That is what gives me identity. That is what gives me purpose.

So, right now, even though in some people's eyes I may be a nobody, I know that God sees me as somebody. Someone He can use, because I want nothing more than to be part of the plan. I don't care if its something "big" in society's eyes or just something big in my life; to me.

It doesn't matter what I'm doing, where I'm living, who I'm with or not with, or the timeframe-- I just want to be with Him and walking in the path He sets before me. Obviously, I have goals. I have interests and passions and plans and ideas. I want to live in Colorado. I want to be married someday and be my husband's teammate and helpmate, whom I can serve and enjoy God with side-by-side throughout life. I want things to happen soon and quickly, because I'm an action person. Still, regardless of any of those details, I just want to be in the game, playing my absolute hardest for the praise of God. I don't care about the logistics, I just want more& more& more of Jesus!

And that's possible. And its happening. And extraordinary things/opportunities/changes/transformations/ restorations are being stirred up in my life, and I'm ridiculously excited to see where they lead.