It
struck him that the truly characteristic thing about modern life was
not its cruelty and insecurity, but simply its bareness, its dinginess,
its listlessness.
Life, if you looked about you, bore no
resemblance not only to the lies that streamed out of the telescreens,
but even to the ideals that the Party was trying to achieve.
Great
areas of it, even for a Party member, were neutral and nonpolitical, a
matter of slogging through dreary jobs, fighting for a place on the
Tube, darning a worn-out sock, cadging a saccharine tablet, saving a
cigarette end.
The ideal set up by the Party was something huge, terrible, and glittering-- a world of steel and concrete, of monstrous machines and terrifying weapons-- a nation of warriors and fanatics, marching forward in perfect unity, all thinking the same thoughts and shouting the same slogans, perpetually working, fighting, triumphing, persecuting-- three million people all with the same face.
-1984; George Orwell
This book brings up some great topics, thoughts, and conversations.
I'm one of the ones who believe this is what the world looks like today, and what it will increasingly become.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Married or Single, this is for you.
“In any relationship, there will be frightening spells in which your feelings of love dry up. And when that happens you must remember that the essence of marriage is that it is a covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love. So what do you do? You do the acts of love, despite your lack of feeling. You may not feel tender, sympathetic, and eager to please, but in your actions you must BE tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful. And, if you do that, as time goes on you will not only get through the dry spells, but they will become less frequent and deep, and you will become more constant in your feelings. This is what can happen if you decide to love.”
― Timothy Keller
I'm not married. However, this is a good reminder for the future AND I believe this applies to any opportunity to love. Love is an action, not simply a feeling... when feelings dry up, or taper off, the choice& covenant to love remain. Just because the "feelings" might fade for a moment, a week, or a few months, it's not to say they will not return. No matter who the "object" of love is.
Parent, sibling, significant other, coworker, acquaintance, anyone.
Pretty sure I need to read all of Tim Keller's books.
"True love is a choice and you're the one I set my heart to choose.
As long as I live, I swear I'll see this through."
-Thrice; the weight
― Timothy Keller
I'm not married. However, this is a good reminder for the future AND I believe this applies to any opportunity to love. Love is an action, not simply a feeling... when feelings dry up, or taper off, the choice& covenant to love remain. Just because the "feelings" might fade for a moment, a week, or a few months, it's not to say they will not return. No matter who the "object" of love is.
Parent, sibling, significant other, coworker, acquaintance, anyone.
Pretty sure I need to read all of Tim Keller's books.
"True love is a choice and you're the one I set my heart to choose.
As long as I live, I swear I'll see this through."
-Thrice; the weight
Oh, Socializing.
So... I'm just going to say it.
As talkative & outgoing & people-loving as I am... sometimes it's really difficult being the new girl.
Contrary to popular belief, I have not always been an outgoing social butterfly.
I used to be INCREDIBLY, painfully shy. I moved from LA to the desert as a kid, and was suddenly in a new crappy [or so I thought at the time] town, with new people, no friends, and no familiarity. I was ridiculously shy from 2nd to 7th grade. Wouldn't talk to people, hated reading aloud, hated being called on in class, hated ordering at restaurants, hated anything that had me in any sort of spotlight.
Luckily, I grew out of that in 8th grade. Finally became comfortable around others, and stopped being so consumed with what people thought of me and trying to live up to others' expectations of what I should be, or wanting to be accepted, or wondering what the cool kids had that I didn't.
Fast forward a couple of years. After 4 Bible college semesters and [LITERALLY] 21 roommates later, I was living in Spain on staff at MBS. I was the registrar, and one of many who were tasked to welcome the new students, show them around, and be a part of the hospitality team.
......Um.... WHAT? Suddenly, at that point, I realized how much my life had changed, and how different I'd become. Since then, I've been in stages in my life that just condition me to be outgoing, personable, and social.
I've moved three times in the last three years, and now find myself settling down in Aurora. I love it here. I love Colorado in general. I don't ever want to leave... although, who knows, I probably might at some point...
If it were not for the fact that I live with a good friend, I would probably not be as happy as I am. It just brings another element of comfort. I started going to a church that I really enjoy, and have met some great people at young adults' study, plus hilarious coworkers at my job.
All that being said... Sometimes it's so hard being the new girl. It's challenging to just drop in out of nowhere and jump into people's already existing lives. It's difficult to be the new person in existing groups of friends, or people who have their families nearby.
No one has purposely made me feel like I'm intruding in their lives, but I hate feeling like I'm imposing, or inviting myself along to other people's plans. I can't do that. It's just not me.
It's such a strange phase to get past but, luckily, once you pass it, it's gone forever. I just miss all my friends back in California, and having people whom I know won't bat an eye if I just park in their driveway and walk into their house. People who expect me to invite myself to whatever they're doing, and who know they're invited to whatever I do.
In most situations, I can be thrown into a big group of people and find someone to strike up a conversation with. However, when that's my life for several days a week, and weeks on end...
It gets tiring. I don't like being that person just standing around awkwardly, holding a cup of coffee, not knowing if I should hang around or just leave.
New job after new job. New church after new church. I'm tired, man. Thankfully, I'm finally settling in here, and NOT planning to move any time soon if I can help it. All awkward impositions aside, I'm actually incredibly content here, looking forward to getting involved more in my community & church, and finding a job that I love.
Today I'm just homesick, and seriously missing my best friends and family. Hmph.
As talkative & outgoing & people-loving as I am... sometimes it's really difficult being the new girl.
Contrary to popular belief, I have not always been an outgoing social butterfly.
I used to be INCREDIBLY, painfully shy. I moved from LA to the desert as a kid, and was suddenly in a new crappy [or so I thought at the time] town, with new people, no friends, and no familiarity. I was ridiculously shy from 2nd to 7th grade. Wouldn't talk to people, hated reading aloud, hated being called on in class, hated ordering at restaurants, hated anything that had me in any sort of spotlight.
Luckily, I grew out of that in 8th grade. Finally became comfortable around others, and stopped being so consumed with what people thought of me and trying to live up to others' expectations of what I should be, or wanting to be accepted, or wondering what the cool kids had that I didn't.
Fast forward a couple of years. After 4 Bible college semesters and [LITERALLY] 21 roommates later, I was living in Spain on staff at MBS. I was the registrar, and one of many who were tasked to welcome the new students, show them around, and be a part of the hospitality team.
......Um.... WHAT? Suddenly, at that point, I realized how much my life had changed, and how different I'd become. Since then, I've been in stages in my life that just condition me to be outgoing, personable, and social.
I've moved three times in the last three years, and now find myself settling down in Aurora. I love it here. I love Colorado in general. I don't ever want to leave... although, who knows, I probably might at some point...
If it were not for the fact that I live with a good friend, I would probably not be as happy as I am. It just brings another element of comfort. I started going to a church that I really enjoy, and have met some great people at young adults' study, plus hilarious coworkers at my job.
All that being said... Sometimes it's so hard being the new girl. It's challenging to just drop in out of nowhere and jump into people's already existing lives. It's difficult to be the new person in existing groups of friends, or people who have their families nearby.
No one has purposely made me feel like I'm intruding in their lives, but I hate feeling like I'm imposing, or inviting myself along to other people's plans. I can't do that. It's just not me.
It's such a strange phase to get past but, luckily, once you pass it, it's gone forever. I just miss all my friends back in California, and having people whom I know won't bat an eye if I just park in their driveway and walk into their house. People who expect me to invite myself to whatever they're doing, and who know they're invited to whatever I do.
In most situations, I can be thrown into a big group of people and find someone to strike up a conversation with. However, when that's my life for several days a week, and weeks on end...
It gets tiring. I don't like being that person just standing around awkwardly, holding a cup of coffee, not knowing if I should hang around or just leave.
New job after new job. New church after new church. I'm tired, man. Thankfully, I'm finally settling in here, and NOT planning to move any time soon if I can help it. All awkward impositions aside, I'm actually incredibly content here, looking forward to getting involved more in my community & church, and finding a job that I love.
Today I'm just homesick, and seriously missing my best friends and family. Hmph.
Monday, January 28, 2013
REAL TALK.
Today I am humbled and saddened by the news of Saeed Abedini.
For those who don't know, Saeed is an American pastor originally from Iran, who has lived in Idaho with his wife and children for the last several years. He was arrested in Iran once before, years ago, for sharing his Christian faith.
He was freed on the condition that he would not return to Iran for any religious reasons. In September, Saeed was in Iran, working on a government-approved, NON-RELIGIOUS orphanage, and was arrested and imprisoned. His charge? Sharing his Christian faith.
Saeed has been imprisoned in Iran for the last 5 months, without bail, has been beaten& tortured, and just recently went on trial for his crimes. Today the news broke that Saeed has been sentenced to 8 years in prison, in Iran.
My mouth says these words, my fingers type these words, but my brain cannot process them, and my heart doesn't want to believe them.
I was just talking to a friend about complaining, and how we can't stand complaining-- especially in ourselves-- because we have been given so much and have been so cared for by such a perfect Redeemer that we have NOTHING to complain about.
Sometimes I complain about work being stressful, or bosses being harsh, or people being cruel, or gas prices being high, or lines being long.
I live in a country that is considered the land of opportunity; one of wealth& prosperity.
One that provides& protects freedoms, and which claims to hold to life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. I complain about senseless things, and I take my life for granted far too often.
Today I am humbled by the news of Saeed's prison sentence, and I'm brought to the sobering realizations that news brings to Naghmeh [his wife], Zeebandeh [his sister], his children, and the rest of their family& close friends.
This morning was rough. When I read the article, my mind just spun to confusion.
"WHY? Why, God? You can intervene. You can cause supernatural, impossible, unbelievable things to happen. You have broken prison gates open before, and You can do it again. Why not this time? Why not free Saeed? Why allow the Iranian government to triumph in this? Why keep a husband/dad from his wife& children for eight years, especially in such an unsettling situation? WHY?"
I had to stop, shut my brain off [or... attempt to, anyway], and focus on the word of God. To reflect on and grasp onto the truths that I know. I had to stop questioning God, and start trusting Him, and praying with blind faith, knowing that HE IS IN CONTROL.
He knows what He is doing, He is on the throne, and He is with Saeed, even in this latest development in his case. God sees Saeed, and He is with him. God is with Naghmeh and the rest of the Abedini family. God hears the prayers of countless believers who are praying fervently for Saeed's safety and release.
God desires that NONE should perish--- believers and non-believers alike. God gives good gifts to His children. God is with those who are downcast, brokenhearted, persecuted, and lonely. God hears our cries, and He saves us. The Lord is gracious. He is good to all. He is faithful, even when we are faithless. He is more acquainted with our needs than we ourselves.
God IS love. He IS truth. He IS justice. He not only has all these qualities and attributes--- He is the very epitome of them. He is the Creator of all things good, and the very source of perfection.
I know God has not turned a blind eye to Saeed. In Job 42:2, Job says, "I know You can do all things, and no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You."
If Saeed is in prison, it is because God specifically has a purpose in it. My brain can't grasp that. My human reasoning can't reconcile "holy, compassionate God" and "innocent man in prison". I know it is not God's fault that this happened. In NO way, shape, or form is God to be blamed for any of this. The reason is that people are sinful, people are unjust, and people are unwilling to yield. We're human, and it is our nature to do what is right in our own eyes.
Still... In that sense of "I don't get why this is happening, because it makes no sense", faith enters.
"Faith is the substance of things hoped for. It is the evidence of things unseen."
"For we walk by faith, not by sight."
When life gets crazy and bad things happen and things stop making sense, it is a natural reaction to blame. To blame God, to blame people, to blame whoever and whatever we can find as a scapegoat. However, in these situations, God says, "Trust Me. I have never lost control. I have never turned away. I have never left or forsaken you. I know what I'm doing. Will you just trust me?"
This morning at church, right after I arrived, we sang:
Our God is greater, our God is stronger,
God, You are higher than any other.
Our God is healer, awesome, and power.
Through a morning of confusion and a feeling of "unrest" over this devastating news, God spoke. He always does.
As we worshiped, I was reminded that:
God is who He says He is.
God is "I AM."
Every need that we have is supplied by a Savior who lives to make intercession for us.
As I finally just let ALL of those thoughts & emotions go, the Lord spoke to me. He reminded me that He is God, and there is no other. He knows what He is doing.
It is not my job to question Him, and to demand explanations and reasons for why He does the things He does. Right now, God is calling me to trust Him.
To have faith in Him, when faith is the furthest thing from my "logical" mind. Right now, it is my God-given privilege and responsibility to pray.
To pray for:
+ Saeed, for his spirit, for his faith, for his safety, and for his resolve... that he would be encouraged and filled with inexplicable, unsurpassable joy and confidence in Jesus.
+ Naghmeh, their children, Zizi, and the rest of Saeed's family, friends, & church family... For their hearts& minds to be covered with peace that defies understanding, and for fear to have no control over them.
+ The Iranian government officials and prison leaders... that their hearts would be softened by the love of Christ, and that His compassion and sacrifice would cause them to be devastated by the persecution they are committing. If Jesus was able to speak to Saul of Tarsus while he was on his way to torture and kill Christians, and to completely break& repair Saul's heart, and to transform him from an evil man to a Christlike, generous, humble man--- He can do the same exact thing today with the prison guards& officials at the prison where Saeed is being held.
+ The American government... That someone will have the sense to appeal to the court and fight fiercely for Saeed's freedom, so he will be released& returned to the States.
So, so many things to pray for.
Complaining will accomplish nothing.
Questioning God is not fair, because He owes me no answers.
Blaming God is entirely out of the question, since He did not cause this. There is a big difference between things God causes, and things He allows.
We do not sorrow as those who have no hope. Jesus is interceding for Saeed even now, praying for him, and ministering to him while he is in prison. I am completely confident of that. I'm also confident that Saeed's faith in this situation is far stronger than 99% of people's, except perhaps his family's. Now we pray that God will use Saeed to be a clear, beautiful example of the heart and love of Christ while he is in prison. That the other prisoners will see life, hope, and peace in Saeed that only Christ offers. That somehow, in some way, Saeed will have opportunities to share the gospel with others while he is in prison, that the name of Christ may be glorified, and that His life& character may be known, and hearts will be transformed by His power.
If anyone is actually reading this, and perchance made it to the end, please pray with me.
It's far too easy to be lazy in prayer. To say, "Oh, hey, I'll pray for you." or "Yeah, you're in my prayers," and then never give that person or need a second thought.
I'm making a conscious effort to be more disciplined and honest in my prayer life. To commit to praying for people, and to do it right then and there. To make lists, signs, reminders--- whatever works--- to remind myself to pray. I'm making it a daily effort to pray for Saeed and his family.
It's so strange to "pray for the persecuted church" in a large, overarching, non-specific way.
It's entirely new to me to be praying for a friend's relative who is LITERALLY, actively one of the many persecuted Christians in this world. And pray, we must.
The Lord is righteous in all His ways
& faithful in all He does.
18 The Lord is near to all who call on Him,
to all who call on Him in truth.
19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
20 The Lord watches over all who love Him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever.
-Psalm 145: 17-21
For those who don't know, Saeed is an American pastor originally from Iran, who has lived in Idaho with his wife and children for the last several years. He was arrested in Iran once before, years ago, for sharing his Christian faith.
He was freed on the condition that he would not return to Iran for any religious reasons. In September, Saeed was in Iran, working on a government-approved, NON-RELIGIOUS orphanage, and was arrested and imprisoned. His charge? Sharing his Christian faith.
Saeed has been imprisoned in Iran for the last 5 months, without bail, has been beaten& tortured, and just recently went on trial for his crimes. Today the news broke that Saeed has been sentenced to 8 years in prison, in Iran.
My mouth says these words, my fingers type these words, but my brain cannot process them, and my heart doesn't want to believe them.
I was just talking to a friend about complaining, and how we can't stand complaining-- especially in ourselves-- because we have been given so much and have been so cared for by such a perfect Redeemer that we have NOTHING to complain about.
Sometimes I complain about work being stressful, or bosses being harsh, or people being cruel, or gas prices being high, or lines being long.
I live in a country that is considered the land of opportunity; one of wealth& prosperity.
One that provides& protects freedoms, and which claims to hold to life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. I complain about senseless things, and I take my life for granted far too often.
Today I am humbled by the news of Saeed's prison sentence, and I'm brought to the sobering realizations that news brings to Naghmeh [his wife], Zeebandeh [his sister], his children, and the rest of their family& close friends.
This morning was rough. When I read the article, my mind just spun to confusion.
"WHY? Why, God? You can intervene. You can cause supernatural, impossible, unbelievable things to happen. You have broken prison gates open before, and You can do it again. Why not this time? Why not free Saeed? Why allow the Iranian government to triumph in this? Why keep a husband/dad from his wife& children for eight years, especially in such an unsettling situation? WHY?"
I had to stop, shut my brain off [or... attempt to, anyway], and focus on the word of God. To reflect on and grasp onto the truths that I know. I had to stop questioning God, and start trusting Him, and praying with blind faith, knowing that HE IS IN CONTROL.
He knows what He is doing, He is on the throne, and He is with Saeed, even in this latest development in his case. God sees Saeed, and He is with him. God is with Naghmeh and the rest of the Abedini family. God hears the prayers of countless believers who are praying fervently for Saeed's safety and release.
God desires that NONE should perish--- believers and non-believers alike. God gives good gifts to His children. God is with those who are downcast, brokenhearted, persecuted, and lonely. God hears our cries, and He saves us. The Lord is gracious. He is good to all. He is faithful, even when we are faithless. He is more acquainted with our needs than we ourselves.
God IS love. He IS truth. He IS justice. He not only has all these qualities and attributes--- He is the very epitome of them. He is the Creator of all things good, and the very source of perfection.
I know God has not turned a blind eye to Saeed. In Job 42:2, Job says, "I know You can do all things, and no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You."
If Saeed is in prison, it is because God specifically has a purpose in it. My brain can't grasp that. My human reasoning can't reconcile "holy, compassionate God" and "innocent man in prison". I know it is not God's fault that this happened. In NO way, shape, or form is God to be blamed for any of this. The reason is that people are sinful, people are unjust, and people are unwilling to yield. We're human, and it is our nature to do what is right in our own eyes.
Still... In that sense of "I don't get why this is happening, because it makes no sense", faith enters.
"Faith is the substance of things hoped for. It is the evidence of things unseen."
"For we walk by faith, not by sight."
When life gets crazy and bad things happen and things stop making sense, it is a natural reaction to blame. To blame God, to blame people, to blame whoever and whatever we can find as a scapegoat. However, in these situations, God says, "Trust Me. I have never lost control. I have never turned away. I have never left or forsaken you. I know what I'm doing. Will you just trust me?"
This morning at church, right after I arrived, we sang:
Our God is greater, our God is stronger,
God, You are higher than any other.
Our God is healer, awesome, and power.
Through a morning of confusion and a feeling of "unrest" over this devastating news, God spoke. He always does.
As we worshiped, I was reminded that:
God is who He says He is.
God is "I AM."
Every need that we have is supplied by a Savior who lives to make intercession for us.
As I finally just let ALL of those thoughts & emotions go, the Lord spoke to me. He reminded me that He is God, and there is no other. He knows what He is doing.
It is not my job to question Him, and to demand explanations and reasons for why He does the things He does. Right now, God is calling me to trust Him.
To have faith in Him, when faith is the furthest thing from my "logical" mind. Right now, it is my God-given privilege and responsibility to pray.
To pray for:
+ Saeed, for his spirit, for his faith, for his safety, and for his resolve... that he would be encouraged and filled with inexplicable, unsurpassable joy and confidence in Jesus.
+ Naghmeh, their children, Zizi, and the rest of Saeed's family, friends, & church family... For their hearts& minds to be covered with peace that defies understanding, and for fear to have no control over them.
+ The Iranian government officials and prison leaders... that their hearts would be softened by the love of Christ, and that His compassion and sacrifice would cause them to be devastated by the persecution they are committing. If Jesus was able to speak to Saul of Tarsus while he was on his way to torture and kill Christians, and to completely break& repair Saul's heart, and to transform him from an evil man to a Christlike, generous, humble man--- He can do the same exact thing today with the prison guards& officials at the prison where Saeed is being held.
+ The American government... That someone will have the sense to appeal to the court and fight fiercely for Saeed's freedom, so he will be released& returned to the States.
So, so many things to pray for.
Complaining will accomplish nothing.
Questioning God is not fair, because He owes me no answers.
Blaming God is entirely out of the question, since He did not cause this. There is a big difference between things God causes, and things He allows.
We do not sorrow as those who have no hope. Jesus is interceding for Saeed even now, praying for him, and ministering to him while he is in prison. I am completely confident of that. I'm also confident that Saeed's faith in this situation is far stronger than 99% of people's, except perhaps his family's. Now we pray that God will use Saeed to be a clear, beautiful example of the heart and love of Christ while he is in prison. That the other prisoners will see life, hope, and peace in Saeed that only Christ offers. That somehow, in some way, Saeed will have opportunities to share the gospel with others while he is in prison, that the name of Christ may be glorified, and that His life& character may be known, and hearts will be transformed by His power.
If anyone is actually reading this, and perchance made it to the end, please pray with me.
It's far too easy to be lazy in prayer. To say, "Oh, hey, I'll pray for you." or "Yeah, you're in my prayers," and then never give that person or need a second thought.
I'm making a conscious effort to be more disciplined and honest in my prayer life. To commit to praying for people, and to do it right then and there. To make lists, signs, reminders--- whatever works--- to remind myself to pray. I'm making it a daily effort to pray for Saeed and his family.
It's so strange to "pray for the persecuted church" in a large, overarching, non-specific way.
It's entirely new to me to be praying for a friend's relative who is LITERALLY, actively one of the many persecuted Christians in this world. And pray, we must.
The Lord is righteous in all His ways
& faithful in all He does.
18 The Lord is near to all who call on Him,
to all who call on Him in truth.
19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear Him;
He hears their cry and saves them.
20 The Lord watches over all who love Him,
but all the wicked He will destroy.My mouth will speak in praise of the Lord.
Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever.
-Psalm 145: 17-21
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