Oh, Socializing.

So... I'm just going to say it.

As talkative & outgoing & people-loving as I am... sometimes it's really difficult being the new girl.
Contrary to popular belief, I have not always been an outgoing social butterfly.
I used to be INCREDIBLY, painfully shy. I moved from LA to the desert as a kid, and was suddenly in a new crappy [or so I thought at the time] town, with new people, no friends, and no familiarity. I was ridiculously shy from 2nd to 7th grade. Wouldn't talk to people, hated reading aloud, hated being called on in class, hated ordering at restaurants, hated anything that had me in any sort of spotlight.

Luckily, I grew out of that in 8th grade. Finally became comfortable around others, and stopped being so consumed with what people thought of me and trying to live up to others' expectations of what I should be, or wanting to be accepted, or wondering what the cool kids had that I didn't.

Fast forward a couple of years. After 4 Bible college semesters and [LITERALLY] 21 roommates later, I was living in Spain on staff at MBS. I was the registrar, and one of many who were tasked to welcome the new students, show them around, and be a part of the hospitality team.
......Um.... WHAT? Suddenly, at that point, I realized how much my life had changed, and how different I'd become. Since then, I've been in stages in my life that just condition me to be outgoing, personable, and social.

I've moved three times in the last three years, and now find myself settling down in Aurora. I love it here. I love Colorado in general. I don't ever want to leave... although, who knows, I probably might at some point...
If it were not for the fact that I live with a good friend, I would probably not be as happy as I am. It just brings another element of comfort. I started going to a church that I really enjoy, and have met some great people at young adults' study, plus hilarious coworkers at my job.

All that being said... Sometimes it's so hard being the new girl. It's challenging to just drop in out of nowhere and jump into people's already existing lives. It's difficult to be the new person in existing groups of friends, or people who have their families nearby.
No one has purposely made me feel like I'm intruding in their lives, but I hate feeling like I'm imposing, or inviting myself along to other people's plans. I can't do that. It's just not me.

It's such a strange phase to get past but, luckily, once you pass it, it's gone forever. I just miss all my friends back in California, and having people whom I know won't bat an eye if I just park in their driveway and walk into their house. People who expect me to invite myself to whatever they're doing, and who know they're invited to whatever I do.

In most situations, I can be thrown into a big group of people and find someone to strike up a conversation with. However, when that's my life for several days a week, and weeks on end...
It gets tiring. I don't like being that person just standing around awkwardly, holding a cup of coffee, not knowing if I should hang around or just leave.

New job after new job. New church after new church. I'm tired, man. Thankfully, I'm finally settling in here, and NOT planning to move any time soon if I can help it. All awkward impositions aside, I'm actually incredibly content here, looking forward to getting involved more in my community & church, and finding a job that I love.
Today I'm just homesick, and seriously missing my best friends and family. Hmph.