Explore. Dream. Discover.: June 2011

so, i’m moving in august. to LA. well, san pedro to be exact.

you see, my grandparents had a caregiver. and apparently she wasn't interesting in being very caregiving, so they had to let her go. i don't really care to get into the details, so i'll just leave that point where it is.
i guess the bottom-line comes down to this: they needed someone to take care of them, & i decided to go.

i prayed about it for about a month before i made the decision… when i heard about the situation that had gone on, my heart was seriously broken for them. i started praying about it immediately. i had actually thought about moving out there about 2 years ago to take care of them, but after really considering it, i decided not to.

i had my job here, and i was in school full-time at that point, and i just didn’t feel any sense of a need or an urgency to go, so i decided not to do it.
part of me wonders what would have happened if i had, and if this whole situation never would have happened. but i know that, at that point, it wasn’t time for me to go… so the answers to the questions of “what could have been” or “what if…” is not for me to try to figure out, because if i should have been there, i believe i would have been.
but that’s not how things turned out, so i leave that speculation in God’s hands, where it belongs.

all i know is that, this time, i immediately started praying about moving to san pedro. no one suggested the idea to me. my mom never brought it up or asked me to consider it.
no one in my family ever tried telling me i should move, or ever put a guilt trip on me to go.
honestly, i don’t know if it even crossed their minds.
about 2 weeks after everything went down, i told my mom that i’d been thinking about moving to LA to take care of my grandparents, and i just asked her to pray for me regarding the entire decision.
we talked about it, and i told her my main reasons:

#1) if i’m there, they’re safe. there is no way i’d ever hurt or betray them.

#2) if it is a family member taking care of my grandparents, all the rest of my family& my grandparents’ friends can rest easily.

#3) i speak spanish, so there’d be no cultural or language barrier. also, i speak english and could easily translate to my grandparents in the cases where their doctors/pharmacists are english-speaking.

#4) i’ve studied health& nutrition for the specific purpose of my grandpa’s health… it is one of the 3 reasons i became interested in pursuing nutrition to begin with, and even before i ever started taking classes, i had already done a year’s worth of research into diabetes, diabetic diets, and had bought a diabetes cookbook and begun trying out recipes.

#5) it gives me the opportunity to spend time with my grandparents, and to be there for them.

this may sound like the best or worst reason to some, but: my entire life, my grandparents have taken care of me. i never had or needed babysitters or daycares, because my grandparents [and other family members] WERE our babysitters.

they helped raise us.

when we moved to morongo, they bought a house on the next street over, so they could come visit for a week or two at a time and still see us-- especially since we were used to seeing them every day [& leaving them was the hardest part of moving away from LA in my 7 year old mind]. they have helped me in more ways than i can express, and they have provided for me in so many areas.

i feel that the least i can do is help them now. they have done more for me than i can ever repay them for. HOWEVER, me moving to become their caregiver isn’t a matter of “paying them back” out of a sense of guilt or obligation, but because i love them and appreciate them, and i want to be able to give them what i can, now that i can.
right now, that is my time, energy, strengths, efforts, & hospitality.

so many caregivers get into this business just because they need the money.
some truly do love their work, and they love the people they care for.
but no one-- and i mean NO ONE-- is ever going to love my grandparents as much as my family& i do. i’m doing this because it needs to be done, and i’m willing to rise to the challenge.
like i said, no one forced me to.

my grandma wouldn’t have ever asked me to, unless it was a drastic circumstance, because she’s very considerate of me& my plans& my social life. my mom wouldn’t have asked me to [although she may have prayed for me to realize it!], because she respects me as not only her daughter, but as an adult, and as an independent individual. honestly, if someone HAD asked me, i don’t know how i would have reacted. i probably would have been more or less turned off by the idea, because i think about myself a lot, and what’s best for me, and how decisions affect me.

luckily, God had already put the idea in my mind& the desire in my heart way before i even realized it. because, i think that even when i first thought about it and started praying about it and seeking His wisdom in the situation, it was already decided and determined by then.

no joke.

but God is so wonderful and so NOT overbearing that He gives and gave me the opportunity to consider it, to make my lists upon lists of ideas, pros& cons, fears, and excitements, and to come to a conclusion. a conclusion led and guided by Him, no doubt, but the freedom to choose regardless.
like an article i recently read in relevant magazine called "11 things to know at 25" said:
give your best to friends & family.

i know i’m not obligated to completely stop my life or my plans every time something comes up in my family, or any time there’s a family emergency. i can’t live my life by other people’s lives& standards, nor do i want to, nor am i trying to.
i just know that, in this instance, it IS right for me to give my best to my family by moving to LA to take care of them.
it’s something i am so completely confident in, because i know that i know that i know that i prayed about this for several weeks, and God told me i could make the decision.
when i did, i said, “okay… this is what i’m doing. i’m making up my mind to say yes. if that’s not what you want, feel free to stop me. and if it is what you want, just let me know, because i NEED to know.” and He said, “yes. this is right. now, go for it.”

and i know i will never, ever regret this decision. that is something that i’ve thought about, considered, analyzed, and overanalyzed from every possible angle i can muster. and, in every single scenario and from every perspective, there is never a sense of “well, crap… that was a sucky idea. i wish i’d never done that.” no matter how many years pass, i will never look at this season of my life and think, "wow. what a waste of my life. so many wasted years that i could have been using to further my career or my education."
[actually... moving will allow me to continue with school, at a school i actually want to attend...]
this is only going to last for a season. and, sadly, it most likely won’t even be a very prolonged one.

so… i’m going for it. i know what to expect.
generally.
i know to expect difficulty and challenges i’ve never been faced with before. i know to expect the fact that my grandpa is going to transform before my very eyes, and that he is going to become a man i’ve never known. my grandma is already experiencing that… then again, she knows him so much more, because she’s been married to him for 60 years. i don’t think it will be as much of a shock to me, because i’ve seen gradual changes over recent years& months.

still… i don’t know what to expect mentally. or emotionally. i know it will be really difficult to see my grandpa becoming more& more confused, and less acquainted with reality. it will be frustrating to have to repeat myself over and over, because he forgets within minutes what was said-- either because his memory is failing or he’s not listening... maybe both. :)

but i also know that this will be worth it.
He calls us to care for orphans& widows in their time of need. my grandma is not a literal widow, but she has already told me that the man she is living with is not the same man she married. she feels like a widow, being married to a complete stranger. and it will only become more apparent as his dementia progresses. i want to support her, and to lift some of the pressure off her by caring for my grandpa's physical needs that she can't do, because she doesn't have the strength or energy for this anymore.
if i will not sacrifice for my own family-- for two of the people i love most on this planet-- who will i sacrifice for?
it will most likely be the biggest challenge i have ever faced, but i also feel very privileged to be able to be with my grandparents, to help out however& whenever i can, and to know that they trust me with their lives. that's a BIG deal, and a big responsibility.

one thing i have on my side is Jesus Christ, His power, His presence, His peace, and His unfailing love. His unending patience. His inexplicable joy. and He is all i need to have on my side. He is all i need to get through the difficult stages. with Jesus, nothing is impossible. and i can do all things-- ALL things-- through Him, because He gives me strength. His grace is sufficient for me, and His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
i will definitely need reminders, so please keep this email& read it back to me sometime. :)
and, believe me, i recognize my weakness. i recognize my under-qualifications. i recognize my impatience& selfishness.

but i also recognize His presence. His strength. and the strengths& abilities He has given me. and this is a beautiful partnership. when i am weak, He is strong. He has given me the gift of hospitality. i know that. i’ve known it for over 10 years. He has given me the need to help people, to be available, and to try to jump in where i can-- “helps” or whatever you want to call it. as a woman, He has designed within my nature the ability to nurture. that’s not to say it won’t be harder than anything i’ve ever done… but it’s possible. because He has created me with very specific traits that i believe He even put within me for this exact phase of my life. and the fact that i have a wonderful relationship with my grandparents& get along with them so well, & communicate with my grandma so naturally , and the simple fact that i have MISSED THEM so dang much makes me excited for this. i don’t have a mindset of, “well… someone has to do it, so i guess it has fallen to me.”

NO.

i don’t feel like i’m playing the martyr in this. not at all. i know i have MUCH to learn, from my grandparents, of myself and my own character flaws that need to go, and of the loving, compassionate, caring character of Jesus Christ, and letting Him change me. plus, my grandma is probably the most Christlike, Jesus-loving person i have ever met. no joke, she is like mother theresa with a fantastic sense of humor. i have so, so much to learn from her. she has so much wisdom to share, & she shares it like crazy. i enjoy spending time with my grandparents so much that, even though i know the difficulty& newness will be overwhelming or frustrating at times, i’m still excited about it!

nervous? yes.
unprepared? oh, you better believe it.

but when I move to san pedro, the first order of business is to go to the red cross and enroll in classes that teach you how to take care of the elderly. certain signs of what to beware of, how to pick them up if they fall, what to look for as far as vitamin deficiencies or other physical problems. i’m also going to start researching dementia now for the next month and a half before i go out there. i want to be as prepared as i can possibly be, and i’m going to talk to my grandpa’s doctors about any further information he can give me, training seminars or books he can recommend, and support groups i can join that are specifically for people who are dealing with dementia in the family.

i’m going to start trying out a whole bunch of those diabetic-friendly recipes on my family, so i can perfect them before i start cooking for my grandparents. i'm going to do more personal research into health& nutrition, with a focus on: elderly nutrition, dietary guidelines for type II diabetics, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, kidney disease, & organic juicing.

my grandparents don't even know it yet, but their kitchen is about to turn into an extension of whole foods+ jamba juice.

so… there you have it!

So, I love CrockPots. Never used one for meals before, just for cooking dry beans or little tiny CrockPots for fondue. I'm hooked. Food allergies mean I'm not too great with leftovers, and I need to cook 90% of my food fresh.

Today I pulled the CrockPot out of the cabinet, and got to cookin'. And this is what I threw in:

1/2 cup quinoa, rinsed& drained
3/4 cup red lentils, rinsed& drained
2 tomatoes, diced
1 tsp. minced garlic
a few tablespoons of minced red onion
a few sprigs of fresh rosemary
maybe about a tablespoon or two of Mrs. Dash's tomato basil blend
fresh Italian herbs [parsley, basil, etc.]
2 bay leaves
1 tsp. olive oil

I first added the olive oil, garlic, and spices to the pot. After I chopped all the vegetables, I added them, too. Then I filled the CrockPot with 3 cups of water and 1 cup of organic chicken broth, plus 2 tablespoons of tomato herb vinaigrette, by a company called "Seeds of Change." I turned the heat setting to low, since I'll be at work for about 6 hours.
When I get home, I'll add a cup of spinach, which needs to cook for 10-15 minutes.

I also have some rosemary chicken marinating, which I'm probably going to sauté when I get home, and can serve with the lentils. I know some of you guys are either vegetarians or just weird with meat sometimes [it's okay, so am I. I like meat, but sometimes it just does not sound appealing at all]. The good thing is that this recipe doesn't NEED meat, but you can always choose to add it.
If I were cooking this for my family [which I will, if they like it], I would ABSOLUTELY add meat to it. Because, for most men I know, if there's no meat, it's an appetizer, not a meal. :)

The funny thing is, I had found a recipe for quinoa red lentil soup, and started chopping carrots and celery for that. I then decided that I didn't want to make that, but wanted something Italian instead, so I put away the carrots& celery for another day. The only part I really followed from that recipe was rinsing& draining lentils and quinoa.... And that's where I stopped and started creating.... Whatever this dish is called. Haha. Improvisation.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I'm moving... and my Spanish is about to get a lot better.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Go Pack Go!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Playlist Pt. II

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Summer Playlist.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Surprised by Joy.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The "Non-Recipe" Recipe

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