Some things are important and incredibly significant to my life& how I live& react, but others are just plain true, no matter how silly or unimportant they may seem.
1) I am stubborn. Once I get an idea in my mind, it is hard to shake me from it.
2) I am easy going. It takes a lot to get me going. I’m not often mad or offended.
3) I love changing my plans spontaneously to do something better/more fun/more productive/more crazy/ more interesting.
4) It frustrates me when people change plans on me last-minute, unless the plan is a fun one.
For instance, if I had plans to clean my house [which I actually enjoy] but someone said, “Hey! Let’s go to a museum!” I’d say, “Sure!”
But if I have plans to go hiking or biking or on a trip with a friend and they called last minute and said, “Hey… I need to clean my house/go to the bank/get my hair done.” I’d be really darn bummed out. And frustrated.
5) I can’t stand country music, and people know to not even talk to me about it, because I know I don’t like it [granted, I haven’t heard ALL country… but I know I’ve never liked any I’ve ever heard], but I lovelovelove Mumford& Sons and Edward Sharpe& the Magnetic Zeros, and other bands that have a banjo or harmonica.
6) I am loud when I laugh, but not so much when I speak.
7) I LOVE to laugh. Loudly. Often. I don’t “laugh at everything” but I AM easily amused, because I find underlying humor in most situations. Only people who REALLY know me or who have a very similar sense of humor pick up on those things. Everyone else thinks I’m crazy or just giggly by nature. Not so.
8) I love reading more than any other passive hobby, but I have the hardest time finishing a book, because I never want it to be over. Yes, I realize that makes me
9) I absolutely cannot sit still through an entire movie if I’m watching it alone. Either I stop it and watch it in 2-3 parts, because I lose all sense of an attention span, OR I fall asleep.
Its ridiculous. And consistent.
10) People tell me I look younger than I really am, and think I’m a teenager because I’m really energetic. However, once people get to know me, they say, “Oh… I thought you were so much older because of the way you carry yourself.” Hmm…. Oxymoron, much? Am I energetic or am I “poised”? Hahaha. Riiiiight.
Luckily, I’ m pretty much used to being an oxymoron, so whatev. [i.e. I love cooking& baking& food in general, but can’t eat a lot of it. Also, I love war/action movies, but can’t stand violence in real life. Well, except for UFC. But that doesn't translate into "real life" for me, so I guess I can handle it better.]
11) Apparently my musical tastes usually fall into “indie” or "indie rock" or "indie alternative", but I’m not a big fan of indie movies. However… they usually have fantastic soundtracks.
12) I don’t think pregnancy is gross like I used to [yes, yes, I realize I was a very immature high schooler], but childbirth still makes me queasy to think about or talk about in detail.
13) I would much rather receive a compliment from an elderly person than someone my age… I guess I value their opinions more?
14) I very much feel that I can’t identify with people who don’t like to travel. I know its pretty trivial, because it isn’t something that is a HUGE deal or that holds any type of eternal value, but I guess travel is SO important to me and such a big part of where I’ve been and what I want in life, that I think people who don’t travel will never really understand who I am. Take it for what its worth, but that’s the idea I’ve noticed I subconsciously maintain.
15) One thing I’ve noticed about myself that I really don’t like and am really attempting to change is this:
In some ways, I care so much about what people think of me, that I forego “natural” Natalie-ways.
UGH. It even looks as stupid in print as it sounds in my head. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
For instance, I like hardcore music [NOT all of it, but some], but when some of my friends talk predominantly about it, I kind of overlook it and don’t say anything about it, because I don’t want to be identified as solely liking that music.
Or, I really-really-really love football and enjoy basketball a lot, too, but when guys are talking sports, I often don’t jump in, because I don’t want to seem like “that” girl who’s trying so hard to be one of the guys.
[I’d rather be a girl, thankyouverymuch!].
Lastly, I really like hiking and camping and kayaking [the grand total of 2 times I’ve gone kayaking, anyway] and fishing, but when surrounded by people who are REALLY into that kind of stuff, I kind of shy away from it, because I’m intimidated that I’m not up to par.
So dumb.
I really am too dang much of a perfectionist. I want to be accepted for who I am, strange interests& mistakes& all, but I get so caught up in trying to be perfect. I never give anyone a chance to accept me for me, because I’m trying too much to not SEEM like I’m trying to hard… thus, trying too hard!
Well, there’s my big confession for tonight. I’m not perfect in the slightest bit, and I want to just be real [notice, not “normal“… not status quo…. But REAL] & myself, but part of me wants to be perfect and above making mistakes.
Truth be told, I’m gonna make mistakes! I don’t believe I’ll EVER be the kind of person who just owns that fact, but I at least want to accept it and live my life fully, adventurously, energetically, joyfully, and as a woman who loves Jesus more than life itself, and who reflects Him in every area… He’s perfect, and if His character is reflected in me, I don’t have to worry about what people think of me.
Yeah. Workin’ on it.
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