Becoming Real.

"When someone loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real... It doesn't happen all at once... You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
-The Velveteen Rabbit


Thank You, Father, for making me Real.
I am in process. In the wise words of the Velveteen Rabbit, "It doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time." A lifetime, actually. It is a scary and surprising thing to realize that you are not who you thought you were. You are so much more; so much less. But still you. Still real. Still strong, despite weakness. Still known by God, despite your personal "unknowns." Still kept by Jesus, hidden in Him, found in Him.

In some ways, I'd like to stick my head in the sand and pretend that I am who my perceptions of myself say that I am. If that doesn't make sense, I'm not surprised. But that's the best way to put it. I try to be one way; I try to present myself that way. There is nothing wrong with identifying with certain traits, and I know that I have particular personality traits and ways that I have been created, and I am striving to be who God created me to be. But its time the mask came off. Its time the masquerade stopped; that I could see myself for who I truly am and as God sees me. He sees my strengths; He sees my weakness. I see some of those things as well, but usually in an exclusive way... It is easy to focus on weakness and forget that He has given me strengths, or to focus on my strengths and make myself ignorant to my weaknesses, which can be crippling in the future. I never want to focus on weakness, but to be aware of it, so that I don't overlook it or allow it to creep in unnoticed and strike me when I'm unaware. I guess its the Achilles' heel idea.

I have a lot of searching to do. I want to end any charades; to not try to pretend that I'm stronger than I am. Jesus in me is strong. He is my identity; He is my covering. He strengthens me. He lifts me up. He gives me the ability to get up and keep walking, and the penchant to do so.

But I am not perfect. I am not happy all the time. I am not always content with the way things are going.
Sometimes I get mad. Sometimes I'm afraid. Sometimes I'm aching inside. Sometimes I have so many words that I can't say, and sometimes I have no words left to say. That is real life, and I do not apologize for not being perfect, nor do I apologize for not having it all together. I don't have all the answers.
But, in the words of CS Lewis, I know Jesus is the only Answer who suffices.
He is more than simply "enough": He is EVERYTHING.

"Joy weakens me like a wound. Oh, You're coming closer and it's hard to take in that I have wasted so much fear and devotion. But there's no time left for my regrets when You're calling." [My Epic; "Further Up/Further In"]

God is making me Real.
And He is making me resilient.

Resilience:
–noun
1. the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.
2. ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.



Because He is, I can.
He lives in me, and He is able, therefore, I am able.
Facades are not good enough. The walls must come down, and I must drop my defenses.
I am safe in the hands of my Father.
God, make me Real. I won't ever make it unless You remake me.


"God, save us from our good intentions.
What you meant to be organic we've refined into an engine.
We call it progress, but we forget that even water is poison if we breathe it.
Just how much can we love when we're spread so thin?Everybody go and grab your neighbors!
Let's all sink our roots and see a harvest!
Nobody alive has all the answers, but Abba bears the load when love is hard."
-My Epic