Attacked.

Good golly Miss Molly.

The spiritual attacks started when I got here on Friday night. I was so excited to come home for this weekend, to celebrate my best friend’s birthday, and to spend ALL THE REST of the time praying, reading, listening to podcasts, and preparing for the retreat… I’m going to be sharing my testimony in a girls’ only session, and I’m freaking nervous. 


Anyway, Friday was decent, but my mom wasn’t having the greatest day, and was just tired& stressed& overwhelmed, so I didn’t even get to have the conversation with her that I wanted to have. I just cleaned up& tried to help her out and tried to stay out of her hair, so she could focus on all the other stuff she had to do. However, my mind was reeling, and I was just overanalyzing EVERYTHING and jumping to conclusions like crazy... All inward. I never let on what was going on in my head, because I knew it was far-fetched, but Friday was just not the best day. 

On Saturday, both my parents were busy, and I was reading my Bible and praying most of the day, preparing my notes, and listening to some podcasts. Went to PF Chang’s for dinner to celebrate Audrey’s birthday with a bunch of friends, and went to BluEmber to have coffee & dessert afterward. Overall, it was a pretty good night. I'm glad I have weekends off so that I can drop everything & come to town for important events... I have some of the most fantastic people in my life. Family& friends alike. 


But last night I had the MOST terrible, terrible dreams. Just bad. Every dream I had was in some way really discouraging or deceptive or scary or had me fearing for my life/safety. Like, literally dreams of men coming in& out of my bedroom, and me having to hide from them. HORRIBLE. 

Now, I KNOW that when Christians are growing, getting to know Jesus more, and being available to be used by Him, satan attacks us. He pulls out all stops and does whatever he can to infiltrate our minds, hearts, and lives.


Well, Exhibit A is me, ladies and gentlemen…


I feel incredibly discouraged, and disqualified, and underprepared, and just plain worthless. Like I can’t do anything right. Like I try so hard to please everyone that I end up failing miserably and pleasing NO ONE. 
Like my best efforts are never good enough, and like no matter how much I prepare, I will be no means be ready to share anything important with the high school girls on Saturday. 


I know—- I mean, I KNOW—- that these are lies that are literally from the pit of hell. Jesus has saved me, forgiven me, and redeemed me. He loves me, He cherishes me, and He has put His worth& identity in me. So much so, that God can look at me and see a beloved daughter, not a repulsive woman.  

Whatever God wants to share from my life, to these girls, He will. As terrified as I am, I’m allowing Him to do that. And as for the less-than-desirable conversations that need to happen, I know God is in that, too. He is in the details. He cares about the smallest things… Those details that no one asks about. The details that no one knows about. The things that, to me, seem so amplified and overwhelming, He puts into perspective. He reminds me that He is with me, and that NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE THINK, He knows me— the real me— and He is my defense. And He loves me and finds me precious, therefore people’s ideas or opinions of me don’t matter as much as I think they do. 

I am His. He has inscribed me on the palms of His hands, and He looks upon me with love, tenderness, and concern. No matter what kind of crap satan is going to keep throwing at me, he cannot win. Jesus has won, He reigns [CURRENTLY] victorious, and He is greater, stronger, and higher than any other. 
Because Jesus is my Anchor, I cannot be moved. 


“The degree to which you enjoy the praise of people is the same degree to which their criticism will wreck you.”
-Britt Merrick