LOVE.

“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”


Jesus, I love You. I am so blown away by Your love for me. I cannot even fathom it—honestly, its like I have so many words to say, yet I’m speechless. You do something in me that I could never do myself. You reach places that I thought were hidden or unknown… and not even in a negative sense, but in a positive sense. There are dreams and passions and hopes that I believe You have put in my heart in order to draw them out of me so that I may know You more.

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
Will bring her into the wilderness,
And speak comfort to her.
I will give her her vineyards from there,
And the Valley of Achor as a door of hope;
She shall sing there,
As in the days of her youth,
As in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.


“And it shall be, in that day,” says the LORD,
That you will call Me “My Husband,”
And no longer call Me ‘My Master,’
For I will take from her mouth the names of the Baals,
And they shall be remembered by their name no more…
…I will betroth you to Me forever;
Yes, I will betroth you to Me
In righteousness and justice,
In lovingkindness and mercy,
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,
And you shall know the LORD.”
                    -Hosea 2:14-17, 19-20

Marvelous and holy
King upon the throne
I will serve You only
Make my life Your own
I’ll follow You forever
Give You all my love
Its only You I worship, only You are God.




Jesus, You are it. You are all I need, and I pray that You will be ALL that I want. I believe that You give me desires, vision, and passion for a reason, but I want all of those things to be anchored in You, and defined by You. I don’t want to step out of Your presence, and I never want to let go of Your hand. I’ll follow You forever, give You all my love--- only You I worship, for only You are God! Lord, these words sum up my heart. And I praise You, because I know that I would never pray that without Your Spirit putting that cry in my heart. I am completely blown away by who You are. The way You pursue me is unbelievable, and it seriously humbles me so much. Looking back at Hosea, I can completely identify with Gomer, and with the children of Israel. The entire time, God is standing and beckoning her to Himself. He is reaching out, speaking, alluring her, but she denies Him. She chooses her lovers over the Lover of her soul, choosing to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of this life rather than the fulfillment of an abiding life, loving Him and perfectly loved.


How many times has this been exemplified in my life? How many times have I played the harlot, choosing other things over the Lover of my soul? In Jesus I am sustained, yet so many times I try to find my identity in my own reputation, education, ministry involvement, personality, or relationships. I once idolized my family, and I still see the dangerous pull in my life to do that again. I lovelovelove my family like crazy, and sometimes I can be so focused on being with them or pleasing them that I forsake [or am tempted to forsake] the Lord’s position in my life. Why is it so easy to dethrone Him from my heart? Why is it so easy to focus on doing, rather than being? Why is it so easy to think that I must prove something to Him, or that I must show Him my level of devotion by trying to have my hand in everything, to be everywhere, and to involve myself in everything? I definitely believe that the Lord will utilize my time if I give it to Him, and I’m glad to be busy about His work, to be involved, and to feel useful. But then “feeling useful” can also become a distraction, because I’m more focused on feeling needed or validated, and I forget that my identity and my worth are in Jesus Christ ALONE. Jesus Christ IS Love, and if I have not love, it profits me nothing—if I have not love, I am nothing. Only with Jesus Christ am I anything at all, because He renews and restores me and presents me to the Father, under His covering.



I have heard it said before that the Christian life goes through three general phases. In the beginning of our relationship with God, we focus most on the aspect of Master and servant. As we grow, we leave that sense of Master and servant to embrace the relationship between Father and child… a warmer, more tender relationship. Then, later on, we begin to see Jesus as our Husband or Bridegroom, and ourselves as His Bride—the most intimate form of relationship.




I don’t know how fully I agree with that opinion, because I definitely see in my life that I bounce back and forth. I recognize the difference between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and I cry out to God in different ways, depending on the state of my heart, life, and spirit. Maybe I’m off mark, I don’t know—I’m not claiming to know it all, I’m just explaining this as best as I know how, which isn’t well.
Its such a deep issue that I’m just scratching the surface of.


However, I must say, the older I have gotten and the more years that have passed, I really have begun to see Jesus as my Husband. I remember my dorm steward telling me she felt like an old maid, being a single 21 year old, and I thought she was crazy. Then I turned 21 and realized what she meant: there is such pressure from society and, yes, from people in the church [even more so sometimes] to be married, to have a family, and to find our identities in being housewives and mothers. I think the roles of wife and mother are BEAUTIFUL, and something to be admired and to learn from, yet I definitely do not believe that [since I am now a 24 year old unmarried non-mother of a woman] my life is not complete. I am content in Jesus Christ. In Him I am sustained, and in Him I am fulfilled. He is the Anchor to my soul, the author and finisher of my faith, and I want nothing more than to keep my eyes fixed on Him, and to know nothing more than Jesus Christ and Him crucified.




Without an earthly husband, I am able to focus all of my attention on Jesus, my eternal Husband. I don’t say this to talk negatively about marriage or relationships, because I see very clearly that marriage is meant to be an example that mirrors that relationship between Jesus and His love for His Bride… and there are ways that married couples must sacrifice, learn, and serve in order to let the Lord live in their lives and glorify Himself in their marriages. This is not an opportunity to get on a soapbox, because I want to be married, someday, in the Lord’s timing—I’m not some feminist or cynic. I'm just saying I'm completely content in my singleness, with Jesus. He needs to teach me to accept His love, to walk in it, and to love Him before I can try to love anyone else.


All that to say, its amazing to see how clearly I see the love of Jesus in my life. The longer I’m single its like the more He shows me about His character and His heart toward me. The more time that passes, the more He shows me what He wants for my life, and what He doesn’t want, and the more I realize Him changing my desires. I can’t fully explain it, but all I can say is that all glory is His. Jesus is in the business of pursuing us. I can tell you that He pursues me in the most beautiful way, and He shows me His love, His character, and how He delights in me. It sounds almost presumptuous to even say it; that Jesus delights in me. I think its hard to vocalize it because I don’t see what He sees in me. I know who I am, I know I’m imperfect, and I know I will fall and falter in my life, yet Jesus died for me and has covered me in His blood and in His sacrifice. And that’s just it—He is my covering. He hides me in Himself, and He has betrothed me to Himself. Referring back to the topic of idols, He has taken those idols from me, and has removed their names from my mouth. That’s not to say I won’t be tempted to rebuild those altars in my life, but it IS to say that He has taken them and He alone has the power to rescue me from that. He has swept me off my feet, time and time again, and I love Him even more because of it.


He has pursued me in faithfulness, because He is not fickle, and He will never give up on me. There will never be a sense of retreating or throwing in the towel. He has already counted the cost and— despising the shame— endured the cross. For me. For you.


Its crazy, because the more I see the love and character of Jesus Christ, 1) the more I realize how worthless I was, but how He has restored me & made me something. I have nothing to offer in and of myself, and I am so different from Him, but He is now living in me & refining me, and 2) the more I see His ability to restore me, to lift me up, and to put His heart within me. He breaks up the fallow ground and cultivates a lifestyle that can bear fruit for His name and kingdom. He removes my heart of stone and replaces it with a heart of flesh. He teaches me how to love, because He sees that I have such a long, long way to go, but He wants to change me and mold me into His likeness, that I may bear His image and be worthy to bear His name. I don’t know how to love, but Jesus has such a heart of restoration, forgiveness, and compassion that I believe He is teaching me how to love. Its like that song, Hosanna: “Heal my heart and make it clean. Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like You have loved me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours…”


Jesus desires to give us His heart. He shows us His great, perfect, pure love in order to bless us, to strengthen us, and to show us His desire for us… but He also does so to show us to have His heart to love others. We should not be content with just being loved by Jesus, basking in that, and thanking Him for the gift, keeping it only to ourselves. Because it IS such an amazing gift, and one He has freely given, we ought to be sharing that love with others; showing people that Jesus died for them not because He had to, but because He chose to. Because He counted the cost and counted us worthy. Because He so desired to please and obey His Father, and because God the Father considered us worth it as well—so much so that He allowed Jesus to take on the sin He had not committed in order to pardon us from the sin we had committed. The love of God is so simple, yet so complex. Like I said, I have only begun to scratch the surface. The more I learn, and the more I think I know, the more He shows me I have no idea—and that is a beautiful, beautiful thing. His love is so infinite, and I will follow Him wherever He goes and wherever He leads me, because
I just want to be with Him.




“Will you tread that road with me, will you by faith stand on the impossibility, the thing that has gripped you in defeat for years—will you stand on it, look up to Jesus, and put Him between you and it? Say to Him, “Lord Jesus, from this moment in we face the impossibility, we put our feet by faith on it and look up into Thy face, and pray that Thou wilt keep it back and stand firm while we cross over this river and enter the land of blessing. May it be no more self, but Christ.”
                                      -Alan Redpath; Victorious Christian Living


Jesus, to that I answer, “Yes.” I will walk that road with You, because Your grace is strong enough to stand in, and I have faith that you will perfect, strengthen, establish, and settle me. If I have to suffer, which I know I do, I ask that You would help me to bear it, because I know that in suffering I am able to identify with You in real and powerful ways. The Christian life is tough, but You are so worth it. You gave up everything for me, and I cannot justify holding onto my life or my comforts… Besides, You are my comfort. You are my peace. Help me to not count my life dear to myself, but to be willing to live recklessly for You, WITH You.


“I need You, Jesus, to come to my rescue. Where else can I go? There’s no other name by which I am saved. Capture me with grace. I will follow You.”