Behind the Curtain: Leading.

"My love of You, O Lord, is not some vague feeling: it is positive and certain.
Your word struck into my heart and, from that moment, I loved You.
Besides this— all [around] me— heaven and earth and all that they contain proclaim that I should love You."

-Augustine

Wow. I mean, just... wow. 

There are so many people from previous generations that I wish I could have met. It just seems like they got it. Mother Teresa, Augustine, C.S. Lewis, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Corrie ten Boom, Daniel the prophet, Nehemiah, Ruth.

I'm blown away. Just dazzled by the thought-- and FACT-- that Jesus loves me so much. That He died to rescue the world: past, present, and future. That His heart of love is perfect.
Literally perfect.

 If there's one thing I am, it's a perfectionist.

I hate messing up, I hate burning cookies, I hate cancelling plans, I hate when there's something wrong with my car, I hate misspelling words.

It's silly, though, because I don't even know what perfection looks like. I know God is perfect. I know He is purely truthful, perfectly faithful, unable to lie, and unwilling to remove His love from ANYONE. I know Jesus came to earth& lived a sinless life, so that He could be the perfect Lamb, sacrificed for the sins of mankind.


I know these things with my mind-- but what does that look like?

To know that Jesus forsook all temptation. He treated people with kindness, treated them with respect, treated women as sisters, and strangers as family. When people mocked Him and likely spoke negatively of His parents, He clearly must have reasoned with them calmly, or chosen to say nothing while loving them still. I know myself. I am fiercely loyal to my loved ones, and even though I'm nice& easygoing most of the time, if someone starts talking badly about my family or friends, I'm quick to open my mouth& defend them. Sometimes I'm mad. Sometimes I raise my voice. Sometimes I'm rude.


Jesus NEVER was. He was never, ever rude or hurtful. He is the one who told us to love others, to turn the other cheek, to forgive, forgive, and forgive again. Even when the men [who crucified Him] spit on Him, He didn't say, "Okay, God... I die for the sins of the world, but condemn these guys to hell." Nope. He loved them, He accepted the humiliation, and He extended love, grace, and forgiveness to them as well. No favorites. No partiality.
No one too bad or too far for His love to reach.
PERFECT.


It's hard for my brain to grasp that fact. With all of my desires of perfectionism, it seems almost silly to strive for it, because I realize how often I screw up. I desire to be like Jesus, and He is perfect, but I also know that my humanity is incapable of being perfect, although I still must give it my all. However, the goal for perfectionism cannot lie in self-worth, self-satisfaction, accomplishment, or pride.
It must lie wholly& solely in Jesus Christ and a pure desire to mirror Him, and to please Him with my life.

To live & exist for His glory, never mine.

I read today's daily devotional from Deeper Walk [Relevant Magazine, if you're interested].
It's on Nehemiah 11:1-2, and on being a leader when it's not glamorous, popular, or desired.

" Nehemiah is the account of the rebuilding of Jerusalem. During the restoration, enemies threatened to attack the city as the wall and gates were rebuilt; it wasn't necessarily the safest place. That is one reason the average Joe didn't immediately sign up to live there.  

Jerusalem living also meant leaving a previous place of residence, which had one's farm and livelihood. At this point, Jerusalem was not yet finished and business would have been slow. But we read that the leaders lived in Jerusalem, and the rest drew lots. These leaders made a sacrifice. Someone had to live there and start the process of creating a once again bustling city. 

Could this be what leadership is often about—not asking people to take a risk for you, but rather taking one for them? That is what leading is. We learn how to do this in its purest of forms through Jesus and his substitutionary death on the cross. He calls us to lay down our lives for others, because He has laid down his for us. Have you been a leader lately?"



To be honest, I can't remember the last time I have asked someone to "take a risk for me".
Believe me, I've wanted to. I've wished someone would. But I have not asked, because either I don't have the guts to, or I don't often believe it would be wise.


Right now, at this point in my life, I guess I fall under the category of taking a risk for someone. I signed up for this life when I volunteered to move to LA to take care of my grandparents [well, grandmother, specifically... my grandpa has his own personal caregiver].
I made the "sacrifice" of leaving my home, my family, my friends, my church, and a job that I truly enjoyed & was good at.

I don't see it as being that big of a deal, though. Sometimes people can get into the bad habit of singing my praises, and talking about how ohhhhhhhhh I am just so selfless, and how I am such a wonderful person, and how I am such an incredible person to make such a big life-changing decision.


Truthfully, it was a God-given idea, and one that I believed [and now know] to be from Him. So I prayed about it, realized there was nothing& no one telling me, "No! Stop! Bad!" so I went forward with it and made the offer to my grandparents to move here& help out.
It was a God-thing, from beginning to end. Even the fact that I will soon be moving to Colorado is a God-thing... although I don't exactly know all the details of how specifically things will pan out, I trust that they will, in His timing.


But I digress.
The point is, I'm not as nice, kind, patient, loving, or giving as the picture people tend to paint.



When I read this morning's Deeper Walk thought of the day, I felt like I'd been pinched with an eye-opening sense of conviction. The parting thought was, "[Jesus] calls us to lay down our lives for others, because He had laid down His life for us. Have you been a leader lately?"


Wellllllll, that gets me thinking. While I am in the middle of a place where I have paused my plans and am giving my time & attention to others, that is not the point. That is not the question. The question is, "Have you been a LEADER lately?"

Honestly... I don't know. My grandma sometimes apologizes for being so stubborn & for fighting me on important issues, like the fact that she NEEDS to rest when she's tired, and that she NEEDS to use her walker each time she walks, no matter how far she is going.

I don't like to fight her on anything else, nor do I see the need to. Basically the situations when my stubbornness comes out the most strongly, and when I refuse to budge are when the situations directly affect her health or safety. I don't let her eat cookies for lunch. She needs food. That's non-negotiable, and I won't leave until she's eaten, since she eats like a bird anyway& sometimes only has one breakfast sandwich all day long.

But sometimes, when things get really difficult around here& when there are a lot of problems or arguments in the extended family, I tend to shut down. I don't know how to respond correctly, so instead I say nothing. Ever.

I don't want to get involved in gossip or cutting remarks, so I leave the room.
I don't want to hear story after story after story of how this person is sick, and that person's father-in-law is verbally abusive, or how that person died, or how this person over here never goes to church anymore& is considered a full-blown spiritual slacker.

I. Don't. Want. To. Hear. It.


It's frustrating to hear so much negativity, and to have only instances of fun& laughing, surrounded by the majority of conversations being negative, about deteriorating health, and to be in the midst of other people's depression. There have been times that I've felt& feared that living in such an environment will change me, because I have no room to grow, to flourish with joy& laughter. It's entirely different from when I lived in Spain with wonderful, fun, hilarious, encouraging roommates, or when I lived at home with parents who are loving, kind, supportive, and incredible examples of the love& grace of God.


However, I am not a product of my circumstances, correct?
I am a daughter of the living God, one who has been sealed with His promise, because I have been redeemed by a perfect Savior named Jesus who died for my sins& placed His identity in me when He breathed life into me.
I am not my surroundings. I am not meant to be a chameleon who changes spots& stripes depending on who I'm with. I have a strong personality& I know who I am, and when people try to change me, I usually bristle at the thought, because I'm too damn stubborn to "just go along with it".


So why should this time be any different? Maybe I've feared that I was changing because I have been experiencing consistent pressure-- pressure to perform, pressure to be strong, pressure to care for another person's health& the serious responsibility that comes with that.
I feel pressured to be perfect, because I don't want people thinking I'm lazy, or weak, or a failure. While I KNOW I am not lazy, and I know that I can never be a failure as long as the spirit of Christ is living& exercising freely through me, here's a big shocker:

I'm weak. So weak. I'm human. I'm fragile.
I have the ability to become frightened, worried, confused, or frozen from lack of clear direction.
I don't always make the right decision. I often say the wrong thing, or don't say the right thing.
Sometimes I avoid confrontation when it's necessary, and other times I confront people when I should let it go.

As much as I'm a perfectionist, I know it's completely futile to think I will ever achieve it:
Perfection.
The word that I can't even fully grasp, because I've never seen it exemplified physically, in this world, in a way I can see, feel, and touch.

I want to see Jesus. I want to touch Him.
I can't wait for the day that I will see Him as He is, and be like Him.
I just want to be like Him.
I want to say the words that He would say, and do the things He would do... Not simply because I'm in the position to do so, but because my deepest heart's desire is in the position to love Him, serve Him, and thus serve others.

I don't want to be a leader simply because I'm in a position to lead.
My actions might show leadership, but that means nothing if my heart is not in the position of humility; in the position of realizing how much I have been given, and wanting to extend the same generosity, kindness, and compassion to others.

My being here with my grandparents, taking care of my grandma& putting plans on hold to be here mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING if my words& actions are not saturated with& motivated by love. If I have not love, I'm nothing but a clanging symbol. Noise.
If I have deep knowledge, or faith that can move mountains, but don't have love, I am nothing.
If I give everything I have to the poor& even sacrifice my body, sure, I could brag about it...
But if I don't have love, I will not gain a thing.


The point is love. Jesus.
If I live my life by the motivation of His love, I gain JESUS.
I gain a life that is sealed by Him, and led by Him.
I gain a heart that is beating with His grace, rather than an emotionless heart made of stone-- a heart that wants to hide from difficult scenarios, wants to ignore the negative conversations, that wants to distance myself from lives laden by depression.


Truly, if I love Jesus-- if I am allowing Him to lead me& allowing Him to lead others though me-- the thought of being surrounded by people with so many needs would make me glad to be in the position I'm in; hoping to help in some way.


If I want to truly be a leader for the glory of God, I wouldn't think, "Oh, great! More bad news! More sickness, more disease, more broken relationships... Get me out of here!"

Yes, I will still be burdened by them to a degree, because I know that God never intended for this world to be one full of sin, sickness, death, and suffering. I know that God has such beautiful plans for mankind, and for this world, and that He wants His Spirit to live& breathe through us in a way that brings newness& healing.

But a true leader would say, "Okay... How can I help? What can I do to share your burden? What practical things can I take care of so you can focus on what you need to do? How can I speak words of life& encouragement to a depressed soul? How can I speak words of hope& encouragement to a broken spirit? When should I just sit& listen, cry with someone, and pray for them?"

I'm thankful to have had opportunities to talk to my grandma, to sit with her, to listen as she pours out her heart, and to put my arm around her& pray for her.
Still, I don't want to feel burdened by these opportunities. I don't want to feel as though my strength is being leeched from me, or as though I can't stand unless someone comes to support ME.

I know--- believe me, I KNOW--- from personal experience& also just from what the Bible says that Christians are a body. What one lacks, another supplies. If we isolate ourselves, we defy all wise judgement. We need people to support us, to encourage us, to pray for us. We are called to do these things for each other, and to put others' needs before our own.

Yet, I realize I've been misdirected in my hopes& prayers. I've been wishing to have someone here-- with me-- to talk to, pray with, and share thoughts& experiences with.
Just last weekend, my mom& I sobbed in each other's arms as we talked about how we've just been put through the wringer lately, emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Neither of us knew what the other was going through, simply because we hadn't had time to really talk about it. We had no idea we were both in the exact same place [figuratively], even though we were dealing with it inwardly, in two different parts of California.

Even so, knowing that she understands& can empathize with me meant the world to me.
Still does.

And I realize, I don't need to be wishing& praying that God will bring me a friend in LA... Someone to go out for coffee with& hike with, like I can in Yucca with Audrey, Bekka, Carrie, Laura, Chealsey, or Heather. Even people praying for me in other parts of the state, or in other states or countries is enough to help.

Prayer isn't "just" prayer. Prayer is a huge weapon against our biggest enemy, and it is a tool.
It is something not to be underestimated or taken lightly. Prayer is seen all throughout Scripture [and history!] as being something that has truly changed lives & situations, and that has ushered in seemingly impossible requests.

Even if my friends can't be here with me in LA, they can pray for me where they are. It's enough. Sometimes it doesn't feel like enough, but it is. Jesus is my strength. He is my best friend, He is my confidante, He is my joy, He is my hope, and He is the anchor that keeps my feet stable& grounded, while also being the lifesaver that keeps me afloat when I feel that I'm drowning. He is the strength that keeps my legs moving when I feel that I just can't keep moving forward. He is enough.

Believe me, I still feel like I live for the weekends-- the times when I get to see my family & friends, and go to Yucca or to San Clemente, and when I have the chance to get out of here& spend time with my loved ones, laughing, catching up, cooking, hiking, and just relaxing.
I will never stop appreciating that!! But, for now, while I'm in LA, I can do this. But I need Jesus to breathe oxygen into my lungs, and to cause my heart to beat with His pulse, because I can't do this alone. I can't lead or love if He has not first had His way in my heart.

 I can't serve others if I'm trying to do it in my own strength, or by a sense of responsibility.
Yes, He wants us to be responsible over what He has entrusted to us. To whom much is given, much is required. On the other hand, to take care of another person because "that's just what I do" or "because it's my job" or because "that's where I am in life" or "because she needs it"--- it just isn't enough. The reason, the motive, the purpose should always be to honor God, to serve Him, and to share His example of care& compassion with people around me.

Not to be discouraged by the fact that there are problems in this world.
Not to be chained to my emotions, or to be bogged down by the depression& sickness in this world, and in the lives of people close to me... But to realize that these very chains are the ones Jesus broke when He died on the cross. To remember that afflictions are only temporary, IF we will place our trust& our lives in the hands of the only one we can entrust them to.


To remember that Jesus IS alive, and that He is the Savior of the world, and that He injects hope& purpose into every circumstance.
He does nothing without purpose.
He is love, and He we can rest in Him. It is my responsibility to share that truth with others.



To share it in love. To share it with truthful conviction. To share it with ridiculous, ecstatic joy, because it's not just some happy ending to a fairytale, but it is reality.

THAT is leading. I don't think I've been doing a very good job lately.
But I want to change that. And there's no time like the present.

Vision.

I had some great, eye-opening conversations last night, and was realizing this morning how much God has been speaking to me through SO many avenues: Podcasts, church, my personal time spent in prayer &reading His word, articles from Relevant Magazine, spoken word poets, books, and people in general.

I realize God has a lot to say to me. A lot to teach me. And apparently A LOT to share with me right now at this point in my life, as I follow His path, as I learn to be less selfish& self-motivated and more giving and Jesus-motivated, and as I seek His specific vision for my life.

I’ve known for 5 years that I want to move to Colorado. I’ve known in the last 3 that it’s something that is going to happen, and that I’m not destined to live in California the rest of my life [at least not Southern California… but I don’t believe California is in my future long-term, whatsoever… We’ll see; I’m open!]. I’ve known that I want to pursue school in the nutrition field, and that I will follow that goal as far as I’m meant to. It’s my personal goal to become a nutritionist, and possibly a registered dietitian. However, I am SO used to God changing my plans last minute, to lead me down a different road, or to use me differently than I’d planned. I mean, I was never-ever-ever-ever-ever-EVER planning to live in LA, yet here I am, because God said, “Go.”

I don’t resent being here, and I actually very much appreciate& enjoy this time to spend time with my grandparents and to serve them, as they’ve helped to take care of me all my life. However, I am not an LA type of girl, and this is not at all where I will ever stay… It’s just a path that God has brought me to before the rest of my plans are set in motion. And I accept it, and appreciate it, and pray constantly that I will truly enjoy it and take advantage of it while I’m here.

All that to say, I’ve learned to become a pretty flexible person. Don’t get me wrong… When I have very specific plans and suddenly they’re all changed or scrapped, I don’t always say, “Oh well! No big deal!” Sometimes I pout& complain& wonder why. But, overall, I’ve learned to seek God in those times, because I know if things aren’t turning out as I’d planned or hoped, it’s because He’s got more important things for me to do in those times.


But I digress. What I’m getting at, is that I have been doing a lot of praying, reading, praying, and seeking Jesus. I have a goal to move to Colorado by May or June and, so far, things seem to be lining up. I know I want to live in Colorado [even if I don’t know if it’s a forever thing or a temporary thing, I’m down!]. I know I want to work with people, and I know I want to continue school and be a nutritionist. I know I love teens and young adults, and I have a heart for this age group, and a lot of where I’ve been in life causes me to have even more of a burden for young people to know& follow Jesus: to realize our worth and purpose are in Christ, and not in having a fancy job with a corner office, or making bank, or having the newest car or the nicest clothes, or being married and having 2.5 kids, or vacationing at the popular hot spots.

Our generation is far different than the generations that have come before us. Times are changing. The world has changed and is changing. Society’s examples of what are “most important” are constantly changing, but power& money usually top the list. We need to realize that we were nothing, but Jesus Christ is everything, and His worth in us makes us something… We are special, because He calls us so. We are precious to Him; treasures even… Not because we have done anything to deserve it, but because Jesus found us worth it…. He considered us worth the cost of living a sinless life so HE could be the one to die for our sins, and make us children of God. Because of that simple yet complex fact, we now are instilled with the worth& purpose of Christ, and the favor of God.
It’s time to live accordingly. 

Although I know I want to live in Colorado and be a nutritionist, and serve in my church& community, I don’t believe that’s the big picture.

I believe I’ve only begun to scratch the surface, and that right now I am in the process of discovering what my specific vision is… With the vision of Christ come the discovery of new worlds. I’m so, so ready to go on an adventure.
Not a fickle, 2 minute, jumping-out-of-a-plane kind of adventure [although I do enjoy skydiving!], but a life-long adventure of following Jesus into the unknown; into uncharted territory. 

To realize why it is that God made me the way I am. Why He made me this girl who loves people& loves to communicate; who loves to connect with people, and loves being outside.  Who loves young people, but also loves babies and families and elderly people. Who loves reading and traveling and going for walks in the park and stopping to smell the roses. Who would rather be outside hiking with friends than inside watching TV. Who would prefer to sit and have coffee with one of my little “sisters” and talk about life& Jesus, than to text them all night long. Who likes to talk to people, to listen to them, to find out  what makes them tick, what they enjoy, what they dislike, and to just learn about people. I am very curious, and I believe it’s for a reason.

I love reading, and I believe that’s for a reason. I am a huge communicator, and I KNOW that’s for a reason. I like learning about new countries, cultures, and people groups… I believe that’s also for a reason. I’m stubborn& don’t just believe something because someone told me it’s true. I like to learn things for myself, to research them, to come to my own conclusions on what I believe and why… I believe that’s for a reason, as well.

I don’t know how these things all work together. I just find myself learning more & more about who I am and, as I do, sometimes Jesus gives me little glimpses into my future or into His purpose for me— sometimes vague, sometimes clear— and I realize that He has been preparing me for 25 years, and that my life will always be a mixture of living out what I’ve learned, and learning more so I can walk in that. I will never know everything, I will never have things “together”, and I don’t know that I will ever know the big picture.

I believe God will reveal His plans to me in large parts, so that I can know where He is leading me and why— I don’t think He plans to keep me in the dark and make me just follow Him blindly. I absolutely believe God has a vision for EVERY person’s life, and that He desperately wants to communicate& reveal that vision to each of us.
After all, Proverbs 29:18 says that, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” 

I believe God will give us a vision, and clarity of mind, discernment, wisdom, and faith to follow it, but I also know that there are so many details that we don’t notice, or small, seemingly insignificant things we do that we believe are “coincidence” and have no real purpose. Even a word of encouragement, or a well-timed Bible verse or phone call, or picking up the hitchhiker on the road, or supporting a missionary or family in need are purposeful, and God uses them… even if we never personally see the fruit from them.

That said, I will never FULLY know all the in’s and out’s of life, nor will I ever
know all the why’s. I just know the “how”: Jesus. Always Jesus. More of Him, more of His truth, more of His love, character, reality, and integrity. 


The rest are just details.





Also, part of an article I recently read on relevantmag.com:

 Of course, when examining the Gospels, we see that Jesus has extravagant, eternal love for His followers. At the last supper, He tells His disciples: “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love” (John 15:9). Here, Christ confesses His deep, heart-felt affection for the disciples, yet in the same conversation He warns them that He will soon go away, leaving them to endure persecution without His physical presence. In other words, they must abide in his love because soon they will be tempted to forget it.

We do ourselves a huge disservice to view Christ’s love through the lens our culture’s definition of the word. Hollywood says love only exists when our whimsical, emotional needs are met. God says love always exists because of what Christ did for us. He demonstrated the highest form of love possible, sacrificing His own life for the sake of ours on the cross. In Romans 8, Paul reflects, “He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” In this way, we can know in the deepest parts of who we are that God loves us, even if we feel alone or ignored in the present. 

As John Piper asks, “Do you feel loved by God because you believe He makes much of you, or because you believe He frees you and empowers you to enjoy making much of Him?”

-Curt Devine 

proverbs 31.

excerpts from the spoken word poem "31 to be exact" by janette...ikz from the P4Cm [passion for Christ movement]. it. is. LEGIT. link here:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyXSFnZijSs 



we are women of a different status: 31 to be exact. 
we are content with not looking like anyone else because we know our differences are not a reason to be jealous, but God's fingerprints.

we don't run around talking about how there are no good men. 
we know that if we put half as much effort on the inside as we do on the out, we will stop drawing the wrong attention.

slow to speak. quick to listen. receiving intervention from a higher dimension. seeking purpose, watching our God-given visions come to fruition.
never forgetting that we have been forgiven much. 


so we eat, we live, we breathe, we give, we even sweat love. always ready to hear from the women with silver hair. 
seeds have been sown. and their wisdom saturates our soil, clipping our dead ends for growth.


you'll find us always promoting unity. serving in our communities. using our gifts& talents as an all-glory-to-God opportunity.

wake up in the morning with the grind for the Most High on our mind. 
constantly being refined to be the exact of our architect's design. 
we have no hearts. so place the answer before the question: any man who wants our heart would go to Christ knowing it's in His possession. 




WE. ALL. NEED. HIM. it's time to change your status. 31, to be exact. 
don't be afraid of what's abstract. let the Spirit of God be what attracts.

we are women of a different status. this world we will impact. we are women of a different status. 31 to be exact. 

Feminism + Chauvinism = LAME CITY.

The title is the shortest but clearest explanation of my opinion.

You should be able to assume the tone of the rest of this blog. You've been warned. 


So, I was watching the Today show yesterday morning, and the newscasters were talking about driving statistics.

They reported that statistics say that while women take much longer to park their cars, they park better than men. I laughed. Out loud. A few times.
Ladies, if we're honest with ourselves, we should be able to admit that men are absolutely better drivers than women. Although we are pretty fantastic at multitasking 90% of the time, women operating heavy machinery+ multitasking [applying makeup, talking on the phone, changing the music, eating, following maps/directions/GPS] = TERROR IN THE HIGHEST DEGREE.

For whatever reason, men seem to be much better multitaskers when it comes to driving. They just seem to have better control of the car, and more focus... I think their "waffle box" compartmentalization skill comes perfectly in handy while driving. They can do different things, none affecting the other.
Plus, they are better at gauging distances, space, length, and other spatial elements. 
Not ALL men, of course. Just like not ALL women are bad drivers. Just, to me, the majority of men drive better than the majority of women. There. I said it. And I stick to my guns.

That's just my opinion. But AS SOON AS these statistics were read, one of the female interviewers/interviewees [hell if I know, I wasn't paying attention until she flipped her lid] practically screamed, "YEAH! We know women are better drivers than men! Women actually pay attention to what their doing, and pay attention to other people! Men just zip around, pulling too quickly into a parking spot, not even noticing that people are nearby, like they own the roads. Women take their time, they're careful, and they park much better & much straighter than men."

I MEAN, DUDE.

It might not sound so intense in printed word, but check out the clip from yesterday's 9am segment. She totally tripped me out. I mean, jeez... It was like she was passive aggressively attacking an ex-husband for not paying attention to her, being brash, being indifferent, and being a straight-up jerk.

And then I thought, "What the heck, man? We're talking about driving... Factual STATISTICS... Why does everything need to be a contest?"

Why must we so often jump to the refrain: Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you!
It's all cutesy fun& games when it's sung in the background of a Gap commercial, but when it's said/intended seriously in real life, it's just plain antagonistic.

I saw an episode of "Chopped" a month ago, and one of the aspiring chefs was telling of her dreams of winning the round and the show, in order to prove that men are not the only ones who are talented in the culinary world. The way she said it was very kind; almost sad or wistful. She sounded and looked discouraged, and just wanted to get her big break and make a name for herself, so she could use the money to continue in culinary school& develop better opportunities. I liked the girl. She said what she felt, and she said it kindly.
Not bashing anyone, not putting the blame on another person or people group-- just expressing her opinion.

I know in the cooking world, there are about as many male chefs as there are women. Whatever. I don't care to talk about cooking; I'm just saying the playing field seems even.
However, I do know that often-- still, even in the 21st century-- women's wages are lower than men's, for the same hours working at the same job. In many professions, women seem to hit a glass ceiling.

It is NOWHERE near as bad as it was back in the 40's, when women started working in factories to replace the men who had been drafted for WWII, but the fact that a glass ceiling still exists is a shame. All men were created equal, right?


The glass ceiling women face can be seen as an effect of chauvinism. The stupid stereotype of cute little secretaries in high-fitting, low-cut, high-slit outfits serving a big wig CEO hand-and-foot is chauvinistic. It portrays women as nothing more than eyecandy: a pretty face with a nice body, a lot going on below the shoulders, but not much at all going on above them.
AKA, women are often portrayed as brainless, ditsy, incapable girls who just don't have a clue.
That's a shame. That's chauvinistic, and it's not giving women credit for being intelligent, capable, problem-solving, diplomatic people who are capable of professionalism & creativity.
Women bring a lot to the table... and not just a plate of fresh-baked brownies or homemade pot pie.


HOWEVER---

There is also a very huge feminist uprising that began in the 1960's, and has hardly lost steam since. When men came back from the war, women thought, "Hey... We did a damn good job at running things ourselves... We can wear pants, we can work, we can earn money for our families, and we can make our own decisions."

That realization wasn't intrinsically bad. Not at all. I wear pants. I work. I earn my own money. In line with Scripture & seeking God, I make my own decisions. Nothing wrong with that. But what came afterward-- the entitlement attitude and the oh-so-popular song by Irving Berlin-- is what really shot us all in the foot.

Now we see reruns of shows on TV like King of Queens and Everybody Loves Raymond depicting men as idiotic slobs who can't even get a microwaveable meal right. They show the wives to be the domineering [although there's nothing attractive about rudeness or condescension] & the men to be softies and mama's boys who can't take care of themselves, let alone their own families or children. And it's a shame.

My dad isn't like those men on that show. I have several friends/family who are incredible husbands/fathers/sons, who lead their families, who are the head of the household, who make good, strong decisions that are best for the interests of the entire family.
Yeah, a lot of men these days don't know how to be good husbands or fathers. The going gets tough, and they peace out. At the same time, a lot of women don't know how to be good wives or mothers. They get offended, and they shut down, become passive aggressive, or ditch the passiveness and become just plain aggressive.

In the same vein, oftentimes we [men AND women] don't act the best in our relationships with parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, strangers, classmates, roommates, etc.
It's not just husbands& wives who get it wrong.
WE. ALL. GET. IT. WRONG.... SOMETIMES.


Disclaimer:
I'm speaking in general terms here, okay? When I say "you" I don't mean "you, personally"... I don't even know who the heck you are. I mean men& women as a whole... But, again, note the SOMETIMES. We don't all screw up all the time. It's just that we're capable of being very shaped by our society and our media. We're products of many influences. I'm just saying my opinion is that we break those influences and go back to Jesus and the truth of the Scriptures.




And you know what the Bible says: Love others.
Love as though your life depended on it, because love covers a multitude of sins.
Love without expecting something in return.
Be patient. Be kind to others. Speak the truth, but speak it with love.
Look for ways to help people out& to put their interests first.
When someone wrongs you& you want to punish them for it, realize that your Father in heaven forgave you, because Jesus died for your sins, and came purposely to save you... That should get the thankfulness vibes flowing.
Honor others. Obey authorities. Respect your parents and your elders.
Search out people whom you can serve& provide for. Take care of widows & orphans.
Give. Clothe the poor, and give them food& something to drink.


Sooooo... Why don't we do it?
Why do we have to be so against gender differences? There is no need to jump on someone's case because they say men are generally better drivers, or men are stronger. There's no reason to get mad because women are more thoughtful& organized& detail-oriented.
We don't need to stereotype people.
People shouldn't make fun of a guy who knows how to cook and do laundry and has a good relationship with his mom... Those are GOOD things [Belieeeeeeeeeeve me, men... Women find those things attractive]!
Also, I think it's silly when people think I'm weird for liking loving football, and war movies, and not liking pink or appletinis. Do you see how stupid these stereotypes are?
Stereotypes are lame; gender differences are not.

Women: Cook. Bake. Clean.
Men: Work. Fix. Lift heavy things.

If you don't fall into those categories, it's fine! They are commonalities, not hard-lined rules.
I know women who can't bake worth a darn, or who seriously hate cleaning. So what? I know guys who don't have a Mr. Fix-It bone in their bodies. Cool. That's fine. It's not of extreme importance, anyway.
These are physical traits/habits that people generally see as manly or girly.

What is truly different about men& women is how we're wired.

I laugh out loud sometimes, because I visibly notice my dad check out when I'm telling me a story. If he asks what I did today, he wants to know just that: I went to coffee with a friend, I got my oil changed, I went to the grocery store, watched a football game, and made dinner.
He wants to know how much I paid for my oil change, who won the game, and couldn't really care less about what I made, as long as it's edible.

My mom, on the other hand, asks what I did today: She wants to know who I went to coffee with, how it was, how they're doing, was it good to see them, and did I try that new drink at Starbucks? She wants to know if I got my oil changed at the place my dad always goes to ["What's it called again? That one by the antique store....?"], she couldn't care less about the game, and she wants to know what I made for dinner, how I made it, which spices I used, and we talk about food for awhile.


SO DIFFERENT.

Sometimes I notice myself telling my dad waaaaaaaay too many details that I know he couldn't care less about, and realize, "Whoops! I'm going all 'spaghetti' on him! He wants to know bare basics."

When men tell a story, they often describe what was said.
Women tell exactly what he said,what she said, how she looked at me when I said it, what I thought when she gave me that look, wonder if someone was offended during the course of the conversation, and usually think about the conversation for hours after it happened.

We. Are. DIFFERENT.

Now, I have a [guy] friend or two who think almost exactly the way I do. They're not girly, and I'm not manly. But we just share the same brainwaves or something. However, I still notice that in sharing similar minds & thought patterns, I think much more about opinions/emotions/motives, while they think more about actions/reactions/ideas.


So, ALL that spaghetti-brained-ness aside: What I'm saying is, if men and women are so different, why don't we try to work together, as opposed to polarizing ourselves and saying, "No! You do it wrong! I do it right! Anything you can do, I can do better!"
Why must we live in a competition? If men & women so different [and by "if" I mean "since"], then why don't we realize& embrace it, and look for ways to complement each other?
Since we're different, we can't ever expect to all be exactly the same, nor should we aim to.

It would be strange if people were all asexual, weirdly-similar creatures. We were created with differences... For a PURPOSE. You know the phrase "opposites attract"? It's not always true. But often when opposites attract, it's because what one lacks, the other supplies. If one person is super into being the center of attention& really loud, the other person is often more reserved& cool with doing things in the background.
Can you imagine how terribly obnoxious it would be to have TWO people vying for the spotlight, trying to one-up each other in decibel levels? Yuuuuuuuuuuck.

Why can't it be the same between men & women?
We have so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so many differences. SO many.

Instead of butting heads over "men are the superior species" or "men should worship the ground women walk on", can't we all admit that one of us would exist without the other? I mean, it's biologically impossible. I'm not saying "Women, you best go find yourself a man, because you're lost & worthless without one!"
I mean, DUH. NO.

But if men& women weren't creating babies, we wouldn't be around to have this conversation. If we depend on each other to be born& exist, why not work together for other stuff?

My last boss is one of the best bosses I've ever had. His personality is really easygoing, but when it comes to work, he's down to business. He's got a list of things that need to be done, lists of people to call, and deadlines of when things need to be paid or completed by.
Perfect. My personality meshes well with that. I'm also easygoing, but when it comes to work, I need a plan of attack. I need ideas, and I need to have some direction, so I can have a point to start from & run with it. I'm very much detail-oriented, and I like having things squared away, and checking items off my to-do list. My boss was very directorial [in a good way], and I am very responsive to that. Some people might think, "Why is he bossing me around? Why can't he do it himself? Why can't he make his own phone calls?"
I realize: "This is my job. This is what I'm getting paid to do, and I need to do my job well so he can do HIS job well."


That is just a simple example of how two different people with different strengths can work together. There is a difference between being bossed around [in an insulting way]& being given directions.

There is ALSO a difference between someone saying, "You're a woman, so you should be working in the kitchen, not in the military." and someone saying, "You're a woman, and you may not be as physically strong& big as the men, but you deserve to be here and you're kicking butt and getting the job done."

Women are NOT as big& strong as men.
Men are NOT as nurturing & organized as women.

SO WHAT? Our identities are not in how much we can bench press, or whose cooking is better, or whose IQ is higher, or who has better budgeting skills.


Our identities are in Jesus Christ. God made us different, He made us unique, and He made us with different talents& strengths, so that we could work well with others and complement each other well. There are billions of people in this world--- how insanely boring & unwise would it be if we were all exactly the same& had the same strengths and weaknesses?
We'd be a bunch of clones, and there would be no room for creativity.
We'd all have a specific set of strengths, and the other areas of life would be neglected.


Embrace your strengths.
Embrace gender differences.
Embrace individuality& creativity.
Realize that God made you perfectly... He did not create us out of cookie cutter designs, but He formed our inward parts. He formed our minds, our thought processes, our penchants for certain interests, hobbies, or pastimes. He created us with certain talents, and He created us to be relational beings, who live with others in community& share our lives with them.

So... Share them.
If you're a woman who likes working on cars, or a man who excels at baking, that's awesome. Do it for the glory of God, realizing He is the one who gives gifts& talents.
Don't look at people's differences and attack them for it.
Learn the beauty of individuality, and how you personally fit into it.
And, while you're at it, pick up a sociology book. Egocentrism& ethnocentrism are deep-seated in pride, and pride is a vicious sin that not only wrecks us, but damages those around us. Every single people group... every single culture... every single PERSON deals with both egocentrism and ethnocentrism. We're human. We're imperfect. But that is not an excuse to live our lives in this way. We need Jesus, and we need so much more of Him, so He can truly live through us in every capacity, no matter our surroundings.

May we all find our identity in Christ& learn to be more like Him, to love with His heart, and to live in a way that deeply glorifies Him, as we truly learn to work together like the Body He has created us to be. He is our example; He is our teacher.