Overwhelmed.

Basically... After much thought& consideration.... I just want to be more like Jesus.

Every person I talk to, every struggle I have, every flaw I realize just bring me to the same conclusion:
Jesus is the answer. Love is the answer. Forgiveness, kindness, gentleness, meekness, patience, compassion, interest, time... All of those things stem from love.

And Jesus is the epitome& definition of love.

So I just need more of Jesus. To know Him more. To love Him more. To enjoy Him, to recognize Him, to appreciate Him, to hang out with Him& share my life& my time with Him. The more I know Him, the more I love Him. The more I love Him, the more I admire, respect, & deeply appreciate Him. And the more those things happen, the more He fills every crack& crevice of my life.

That's where His healing comes in. That's where love covers a multitude of sins.
That's where I can learn to forget my hurt feelings, or feelings of being unappreciated or unnoticed.
That's where Jesus' love& acceptance& affirmation& acceptance are enough... Right in the middle of who He is; His character.

Lately I have been reminded of the PERFECT love of Jesus. How His love hasn't simply covered my sin, but His love sent Him to the cross to die for my sins. Because of love, His blood washed them away, so He could redeem me, know me, have a relationship with me, and provide a way for me to have a relationship with God.
Jesus doesn't look at my past. He doesn't look at who I was. He doesn't look at what I've done.
Although I can hold things over my head, although sometimes I have the worst time forgiving myself, every time I seek Him, repent, & ask for His forgiveness, He gives it willingly and generously.

My brain can't comprehend that. My emotions can't support it. I believe it, I KNOW it, I accept it, I appreciate it. But I can't express it. I can't think about it without my heart jumping into my throat& bringing tears to my eyes.

Those who are forgiven much love much. I have been forgiven much. That's the only way I can explain how I love Jesus. I love Him because of who He is, because of whom He is to me, because of what He's done, and because of the place He has taken in my life. I love Him because He is God, He is worthy, He is love, He is beautiful... but, most of all, I love Him because He loved me first.

If I think about it too much, I can think it's sad that I couldn't just love Him first but, if I did, it wouldn't be a gift then, would it? He loves ME first. I respond to that. He is the initiator; I am the responder. He has reached out to me, He has drawn me to Himself, He has given me every possible bit of strength& grace I need in life, because He is enough. He is my sufficiency, my help, my everything... It's just up to me to allow Him to be everything He has promised to be. It's up to me to get out of the way& let Him be God.

My Epic has a song called childbodybride.
It's basically my absolute favorite song right now, and feel as though it's the story of my life.

When they laid my King to rest, it was my shame He wore to bed.
And it’s the only part of Him the Father did not resurrect.
Now, in my Father’s land there are no lesser men. Nobody barely wins or only just gets in.
'Cause Jesus never fell in love. With open eyes, He walked directly to the cross.
He knew exactly what I cost and He still went.

Like a body--close, connected, & known--so You’ve called us & so we are.
Like a child--nurtured, protected, adored--somehow You name us & so we are.
Like a bride--cherished, adorned & waited for--so intimate, with every title that Your love affords.

My God, You never fell in love. With open eyes, You chose to die upon the cross.
You knew exactly what I cost. I was worthless but You made me worth it.
I was a slave content to beg beneath Your table but You took me in & made me a son.

When I finally arrive & my prodigal eyes behold Jesus who once wore my shame, adorned in majesty on His throne, I will stand & belong wearing His righteousness as my clothes. 



Wow. I mean... WOW.


I'm speechless. All I have are tears, and "ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYOU...." over& over again.

To know that I am accepted by the only Man worthy to restore all of mankind.
To know that, no matter what people say about me& what people's opinions are of me, the only words& opinions that matter come from the Man who loves me most.
To know that His love for me does not change, decrease, or grow based on my performance.
To know that life is not about me, but about HIM, and His love, purpose, & gospel getting out, so others can know the depths of His love& the beauty of His forgiveness and presence.


I wish I were more eloquent than I am.
I wish I could put into words how this makes me feel, and the kind of healing it brings into every area of my life.
I wish I could express how deeply this impacts my life, heart, mind, & spirit.
But I can't. Jesus is just inexpressible.
My words fall so short, but they're all I have.