"Jesus Christ must be your exclusive Savior. And all other relationships must be determined and conditioned by this One overwhelming, almighty relationship." -A.W. Tozer
Wow. Its been a long time since I've posted a blog, and to be honest, it feels kind of weird.
If you've known me for 3 years or longer, you will remember that I used to be a SUPER closed up person. I wouldn't talk about my feelings with anyone, and I prided myself on the fact that only Jesus knew my business, because it was His business and no one else's.
After a few sticky situations in life and wrongly interpreting Proverbs 29:11, I thought it was more wise for me to keep my mouth shut than to share my feelings/thoughts/life with others.
Then, after much much much stretching & breaking & challenging from the Lord, He changed me. He caused me to be broken and transparent before others, on several occasions. Okay, all of you should know that I am not a crier. Not that I don't cry, or that I can't cry-- I just don't cry often. Especially not around people. But after one particularly memorable koinonia [where I cried in front of EVERYONE], Jesus even helped me get over that huge roadblock of pride.
It has surprised me how, over time, I have become more open, more honest, and vocal about my life and, even more, my struggles. So, after a long time of not posting any blogs, I find myself here again: Wanting to write about what has been going on in my life, yet a little rusty. I think I need to stay in constant practice of openness because, if I don't, it becomes pretty difficult to get back on that horse. Anyway, I'm just stalling now, so I might as well get to the point.
I have been back in California for almost exactly 8 months now. It has been bittersweet, exciting, full of unknowns and changes. I left my home in Mallorca to come "home"...though California had not been home to me for 2 and 1/2 years. I had severe culture shock for about 6 weeks, during which I wanted to go back to Mallorca. I knew the Lord had specifically called me back to America, particularly California...and to Yucca Valley. If you haven't been here, you don't know how crazy it is to go from a Mediterranean island to....this. Haha. Dang.
Still, after 6 weeks or so, I finally began to become accustomed to life in California. I got a job at Red Robin, started helping out as a youth leader in the high school youth group, and got plugged back into church here at Joshua Springs, and met a ton of new people. It was so weird, because I have known several of these people for years, but have never really known them or spent time with them. On the other hand, there are also some people who have been here for a year or two, whom I'd never met, because I was in Spain. So, coming back, it was like I was the new person and they were the regulars, though in my mind, I've been going to JS since I was eight, and so I'm the "regular"... yeah, not so. Either way, I've met a ton of incredible people, and have made a bunch of new friends, and have rekindled friendships that I'd had in high school.
Seriously though, over these last 6 months, I feel as though I've regressed. Its so weird, and its a little difficult to explain, and its definitely sobering to admit. I don't get it, because I've been so plugged in since I've been in California. I go to church three times a week [one of those being youth group on Wednesday nights], and to young adults' Bible study once a week. Its not just that I'm going through the motions, either. When I'm at church, I'm really fed, and I learn a lot, and I enjoy being there. Yet I feel as though I'm not doing enough, as though my life isn't constantly being challenged and changed by the Lord, as it was in Spain.
Before, it was as if every week there was a new thing that God was bringing to my attention: a habit to change, a liberty to give up, a fruit to bear, a principle to adopt. Now I feel as though I haven't changed much since I've been here. And I want to be changed, because I know I NEED to be changed! I know a lot of people hate change, but I personally welcome it. Yeah, sometimes its uncomfortable, and its usually intimidating, because you know you're about to cross unchartered territory--- but its exciting and its an adventure, and I love love love new experiences. I mean, it can be terrifying as heck to be thrown out of the nest, but its also exhilarating, because obviously if that's happening, its because the Lord knows you're ready to fly, you just don't know it yet. :)
Anyway, I've thought and wondered and speculated about why I feel this way; about why my life has seemed to slow to a crawl. And it honestly breaks my heart to admit this...so much so that I would much rather hit "delete", turn off my computer, and push this thought to the furthest corner of my mind, and pretend that everything is perfect. But I can't do that.
The truth of the matter is: I have left my first Love. Lord Jesus, I'm sorry.
If you've read my previous post, "A Little Longer", you will see what I have realized: I took that time for granted. I wanted so badly to be busy, to be useful, and to be productive. I can't stand feeling useless or unhelpful. I don't know if its because I'm a girl, or because of the way I was raised, or the way I have lived my adult life, or all of the above, but I like helping. I like doing things, and cleaning, and assisting. But, like Martha, sometimes I forget the gift of being able to sit at Jesus' feet and worship Him. I forget the call to rest, to stop what I'm doing, and to just be with Jesus, and spend time with Him, and to give Him the attention and honor that He is due.
When I got to California, I was going crazy without a job, and without anything important to do. I was seriously cleaning the house like crazy, every single day, or cooking or baking, or organizing, or anything, just to do something. Then I got a job, and I became busier, between church and work and still helping my mom take care of the house. I was working shifts that allowed me just enough time to get to Bible study and youth group, and to have Sundays off to spend with my parents.
Then I became a full-time student. My work schedule changed drastically, giving me enough time for school, homework, and church, and for evening shifts on the weekends. Now I'm working at JS Thrift Store, and my schedule is about to change again. I have enough time for classes, homework, church/youth/Bible study, and now work, but dang its tight.
But do you notice what I've noticed as I've typed this? My devotional life is suffering greatly.
With late nights and early classes, I've tried to section off 20 minutes for the Lord, if that. I know time in the Word is not about minutes and numbers and chapters, but I know what has worked in my life in the past. I'm so worried about homework and about getting good grades, that I wake up and focus on what textbooks I need to read, or what projects I need to work on. Sometimes reading my Bible is an afterthought, or something I only remember once I've been in class for 15 minutes: "Oh yeah.... I didn't even get a chance to read this morning..."
I hate that! Its no one's fault but my own. I could try to blame it on work or school or busyness, but the fact is, I have placed other priorities before Jesus, and its my fault. I have become more concerned with fitting everything into my schedule, and doing it all, and now I look back and realize what a foolish mistake I've made.
Jesus is the love of my life, and He is the fullness of my joy. Without Him, I would be nothing. I wouldn't want to be anything without Him. In Hosea 2:19-20 the LORD says,
"I will betroth you to Me forever,
Yes, I will betroth you to Me
In righteousness and justice,
In lovingkindness and mercy;
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness,
And you shall know the LORD."
I can't tell you how many times [since being back, especially] people have asked me, "Sooooooo Natalie, when are you going to get married???" ...as if I have it written in my day planner. "October 16, 2010: Find myself a man. March 23, 2011: Get married." Yeah... right.
Anyway, my standard reply is always, "Not yet." I mean, I want to be married someday...someday. But I know that right now, life is so crazy and so full and so busy with stuff, that I don't really feel I have time to fall in love. Haha, I don't know, it sounds pretty crazy after writing it, but that's how I've felt. But I know that the Lord's time is outside of my time [or mine is outside of His?], and what He says, goes. And when He says, "Now.", things happen.
So its not like I'm anti-relationship [though I know SO MANY of you have thought that about me in the past, and maybe rightfully so...back then! Haha.], its just that I don't see it panning out at the moment. Also, with so much going on at the moment, I wouldn't feel that I'm able to fully give my time and energy and effort to a person, or a relationship. There's only so much a person can do, and I like doing things as best as I can. No person can do everything, or something is going to suffer.
Yet, right now, that's exactly what's happening. I don't have a husband. I don't have a boyfriend. Shoot, I don't even have a prospect. But I have Jesus. And I am not fully giving Him my time, energy, and effort, and I am not investing in this relationship as I ought to be. I think that's possibly one of the reasons why I don't have March 23, 2011 circled in my day planner.
Things need to change first, and I need to reprioritize my life, not according to what people tell me is important, not according to what society says, or according to what my college instructors tell me, but according to what the Holy Spirit tells me through the Word of God: "You shall have NO other gods before Me" [Deut. 5:7].
If I died tomorrow, or next week, or three months from now, I would not leave a widower. Yet, I don't want to live my life, causing Jesus to feel like my Widower.
Does that make any sense to anyone but me?
If I left this earth, I would leave no earthly husband behind. So then, while I live on this earth, I don't want to leave Jesus-- my Husband-- behind in any way, shape, or form. I don't want to neglect Him, or to give Him the remainder of my time, but the majority of my time. I don't want to give Him a 5 minute conversation before I go to bed; I want to start my day off talking to Him, and talk to Him constantly, all day long. Isn't that what love does? It causes you to want to spend every waking moment with someone, to listen to everything they have to say, to share with them, to just sit with them and not talk at all, to be together, doing the most exciting or mundane things. Love causes the simplest things [or the most boring tasks] to seem bearable, even absolutely enjoyable!
That's how my relationship should be with Jesus. That's how it used to be... and I want it back. He has betrothed me to Himself in faithfulness. That's HIS faithfulness, not mine... and praise Him for that, because I am obviously unfaithful. Yet, even when I am faithless, He remains faithful, because He cannot deny Himself. Everything God is, is saturated in faithfulness, in consistency, in His unfailing love. He is Everlasting God!
Also, Hosea 2 says that He has betrothed me to Himself in mercy. And that is something I thank Him for, and that I should thank Him for daily. If it were just left up to justice, I would have been abandoned long ago. But Jesus is faithful, and He is full of mercy. He does not just leave me to figure out life on my own, to pick up the pieces and to try to piece the puzzle back together.
He is my path, and He leads me and guides me and shows me where to go, and which step to take next. I love that He doesn't just give me a page of directions and say, "Call me when you get here." He actually takes me by the hand and says, "Come on. This way. Put your foot there. Follow Me."
"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected, but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me." [Phil. 3:12]
Thank You, Jesus!!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Faith.
[faith; part I]
But without faith, it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
By faith Noah...moved...
By faith Abraham obeyed...
By faith Sarah herself also received strength...because she judged Him faithful who had promised...
"These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.
For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland.
And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return.
But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them."
[Hebrews 11:6, 7, 8, 11, 13-16]
FAITH:Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a Person or plan.
[faith; part II]
It seems that faith is steadily declining as the years go by, and that love is quietly growing cold. It seems like back in the day, whether in Biblical days or the 1700's, people had so much more faith, because they needed faith--- they depended so much more on the Lord. These days, we are so much more "wise in our own eyes", whether we're Christians or not.
We have much pride, much self-sufficiency. We depend on technology & money & position & social standing. Yet when we have world disasters and economical decline, it is obvious that our faith in such humanized things is ridiculously fickle & unstable.
When we have money & means, we seem to think we're fine on our own...we think we can make it. But as soon as we're broke or unemployed or alone or met with an unsuspected turn of events, we're grasping for God & crying out to Him, because we see the state that we're in and how desperately we need Him. God deserves our trust ALL the time.
He deserves to be called Faithful & to be hoped in, because He remains faithful even when we are faithless. He is stable, He is unchanging, He is powerful and mighty to save.
"Faith is prepared for God's seeming delays in answering prayer. Faith does not grow disheartened because prayer is not immediately honored" [E.M. Bounds].
"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
[John 14:27]
But without faith, it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
By faith Noah...moved...
By faith Abraham obeyed...
By faith Sarah herself also received strength...because she judged Him faithful who had promised...
"These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.
For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland.
And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return.
But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them."
[Hebrews 11:6, 7, 8, 11, 13-16]
FAITH:Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a Person or plan.
[faith; part II]
It seems that faith is steadily declining as the years go by, and that love is quietly growing cold. It seems like back in the day, whether in Biblical days or the 1700's, people had so much more faith, because they needed faith--- they depended so much more on the Lord. These days, we are so much more "wise in our own eyes", whether we're Christians or not.
We have much pride, much self-sufficiency. We depend on technology & money & position & social standing. Yet when we have world disasters and economical decline, it is obvious that our faith in such humanized things is ridiculously fickle & unstable.
When we have money & means, we seem to think we're fine on our own...we think we can make it. But as soon as we're broke or unemployed or alone or met with an unsuspected turn of events, we're grasping for God & crying out to Him, because we see the state that we're in and how desperately we need Him. God deserves our trust ALL the time.
He deserves to be called Faithful & to be hoped in, because He remains faithful even when we are faithless. He is stable, He is unchanging, He is powerful and mighty to save.
"Faith is prepared for God's seeming delays in answering prayer. Faith does not grow disheartened because prayer is not immediately honored" [E.M. Bounds].
"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
[John 14:27]
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Integrity.
"A Little Longer" by Jenn & Brian Johnson
What can I do for You? What can I bring to You?
What kind of song would you like me to sing?
'Cause I'll dance a dance for You,
Pour out my love to You,
What can I do for You, beautiful King?
'Cause I can't thank You enough
'Cause I can't thank You enough
What can I do for You? What can I bring to You?
What kind of song would you like me to sing?
'Cause I'll dance a dance for You,
Pour out my love to You,
What can I do for You, beautiful King?
Oh, 'Cause I can't thank You enough
I can't thank You enough
All of the words that I find,
I can't thank You enough
No matter how I try
I can't thank You enough
Then I hear You sing to me,
You sing "You don't have to do a thing,
Just simply be with Me
And let those things go
'Cause they can wait another minute
Wait... this moment is too sweet.
Would you please stay here with Me?
And love on Me a little longer?”
“I'd like to be with you a little longer
I'd love to be with you a little longer
'Cause I'm in love with you”
I believe that if I were to try to describe my heart right now, I could not describe it more specifically than what this song says. I have heard this song several times before, but I never knew all the words. Yesterday morning, as I was praying & reading, I remembered some of the words, and wanted to know the rest, so I found it online. That was the beginning of one of the most challenging, convicting, & heartbreaking conversations I think I have ever had with Jesus.
Something that I find amazing is how the Lord meets us. So many times, I wish I could just see Him, touch Him, hug Him, or physically lean on Him. I wish I could behold Him with my physical eyes, not just my spiritual eyes. What the Lord has shown me so clearly over the last year is that, while seeing Him physically would be amazing, it is not necessary. The means He has given us to know & experience Him are sufficient!! He has given us His word to know Him by, to know His heart and His mind and His character and His example. I think I will always want to hug Him, and will always hope for that, but Jesus said, "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." We will see Him one day, and we will be able to hug, love, & worship Him in His presence, and it will be unbelievable!!! But, for now, Jesus is able to speak so clearly & gently, yet powerfully through His word, as long as we are still before Him and LISTEN.
That is what happened to me that morning. When I listened, He spoke. He used this song to speak to me about my own perception of pleasing Him.
The very first time I heard this song, I thought, "Oh my gosh, that's what I think! That's what I ask!" referring to the part that says:"What can I do for You? What can I bring to You? What kind of song would You like me to sing?'Cause I'll dance a dance for You, pour out my love to You, what can I do for You, beautiful King??"
I feel like I'm constantly asking God, "What do You want me to do? What do You want me to say? What do You want me to pray? How can I do more? How can I help? How can I be useful? What should I get involved in? How can I use my energy?"
These questions, in and of themselves, are not wrong. How can we please God unless we know what pleases Him? We need to seek His will through His word & much prayer & by being open and flexible to whatever He answers.
Still--- in all of my desires to please God and to do this and that and the other for Him.... I realize that I've forgotten to just spend as much time with Him as He wants. To spend time in the morning with Him is great, and to spend time in prayer & give Him some time before bed is great, right? Isn't that the answer?
Have I come to believe that giving the Lord an hour in the morning & 30 minutes before bed is sufficient? What is that??? An hour and a half set aside for God, but the other 22 and a half hours are spent on whatever I believe I need to do? Jesus is so much more than a morning devotion or a time of prayer or Sunday morning, Monday evening, Wednesday evening meeting. He is not a ritual, and I should set aside however much time HE wants, not the time I think He should have.
Since I have been in California, I have been so restless. I just want to DO something already, to be involved in something, to work, and to be useful. I was so busy when I was in Mallorca, and I loved it. I loved what I did. and I loved "work" though it did not seem like a chore. There was so much to enjoy about working at MBS, and about serving where I could at SPCC [the church]. I loved visiting Marge and baking for Sunday mornings & everything else. I loved getting to know students and helping them with classes, grades, or papers, and working alongside the staff and helping where I was needed.
Now, being in California, all of those things I loved so much are no longer possible. Now the opportunities are different, and fewer. There have been several times where I have felt completely useless, or where I have wondered, "What am I doing here? I should be doing so much more; I should be so much busier!" Oh my goodness. That is where this song comes in, and that is why I feel that my heart has broken, for Jesus. To even think of Him saying,
"You don't have to do a thing. Just simply be with Me,
And let those things go, 'cause they can wait another minute.
Wait...this moment is too sweet,
Would you please stay here with Me?And love on Me a little longer?"
Why is it that when my life has finally slowed down some, I try to busy myself with things to make me feel "more useful"? How can I be of any use to the Lord if I am running around doing things that He has not required of me, in an attempt to make Him proud of my productivity? The most useful my life will ever be is when I am fully abiding in Him, resting in Him, delighting in His presence. And I do...to a point. I am not perfect by ANY means, and I am not a super-Christian who pleases the Lord in everything she does. I wish I could say that was true but sadly, I know it isn't.
I know there are many times where the Lord has to tell me to slow down and rest in Him, because I can become so over-eager in "doing" that I forget that He is the One who needs & wants to do things through me--- I can be so carried away with my plans, and my ideas, and run off in a direction that He isn't leading. He is teaching me to allow Him to lead me by the hand ALWAYS, not just sometimes, or even the majority of the time. With a God who has given me everything, how can I do anything but give Him everything in return? He made the greatest sacrifice for me--- for us!--- by giving His only Son to be killed for the sins of the very people He created to give Him glory. His mercy is so great, His grace is given to us in abundance, and His love is so indescribable, because its like nothing we've ever known! With that measure of love given to me, I should never think it is acceptable to give God the majority. No, He deserves ALL of it: every area, every minute. Every aspect of my life, what I do, speak, think, hear, look at; how I spend my time, what I do or don't do, every thought, idea, motive, reaction, opinion, strength or struggle. All of my life, all of who I am belongs in His hands.
Instead of trying to make Him proud by showing Him what I can do for Him, I now realize that He simply wants me to be with Him. He wants to be with me. To rest in Him, abide in Him, and let every joy of mine be found in spending time with Him. He created us for His glory, to please Him, and to be His chosen generation, His royal priesthood.
Of course, if He says "Go" or "Do" we must go and do whatever it is He has called us to. But when He says, "Stop. Wait. Rest. Don't rush off yet to that next task, to that next appointment, to that work shift, to that opportunity [even ministry!]. Just simply stay with Me & let those things go...they can wait another minute." In order to do anything that brings Him glory or joy [ANY work, any ministry, or obligation], we must first be filled by His Spirit & allow Him to equip us. How can I be filled by Him or experience His love if I don't listen to that still, small voice that tells me when to stop & wait and when to move & act?
Of my own strength, I have nothing to give to Jesus. I am prideful by thinking I have anything to offer the Lord, anything that would impress Him or make Him love me more. If I think I am good and I think He should be pleased with me by giving Him offerings and sacrifices He hasn't required, I'm a fool. The only thing I can give to Jesus is my life, in entirety, holding nothing back. Everything else He has in store for me: every plan, every path to walk in, every area to minister in, only He can do. He will do it through me, but He has to do it, because there is nothing good in me; there is nothing I have to offer.
He desires for me to be an empty vessel, so He can fill me to overflowing with Himself, with His mind, with His characteristics. When I am constantly trying to fill myself with things that He has not placed there, I am only getting in the way of what He wants to do. I am hindering the work, and wasting precious time. A good friend of mine once said, "You have only one life to live--- don't waste it!" It's crazy to think that even filling my life with "good" things can be wasteful, if it is something that I am not meant to do.
I need to be so focused on Jesus, so attuned to Him, so familiar with His voice and His word that I am not easily carried away by my plans and ideas.
I can't please God in my own strength but, thankfully, I don't have to!
He has given me His Son, who has made me acceptable in the sight of God.
It is His strength that is able to do the impossible through me, because He knows that my great weakness requires His greater strength.
And even though my weakness is so great, and my imperfection is so much, His strength and His perfection are SO MUCH greater that I am no match for Him! Praise God!!!
Wow. All that to say: spending time with Him should not be a ritual, because it is not a chore to serve Him!! God is unchanging and He is a God of order, but He is also a God of uniqueness and newness. All of the energy I can muster up is still nowhere near enough to do all the things He has in store for me, so I just need to let Him fill me with Himself.
I want to delight in His presence so much that nothing else is enticing enough to distract me from Him. I don't know if that will happen while I am alive on this earth, but I think its a pretty good goal to have, as long as I don't try to do it in my own efforts. It is an honor, a pleasure, and the biggest and BEST gift to know Him, to hear His voice, and to read His word.
The greatest joy I will ever have is to understand and experience Him, to have a deep, personal relationship with Him. He is the One who sustains me! I want to live a life of integrity that reflects these words; not just to say them with good intention, but to have my life changed by His ability.
Integrity:
1) the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished.
2) the quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.
3) an undivided or unbroken completeness; totality with nothing wanting.
"Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon the earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion FOREVER."
-[Psalm 73:25-26]
What can I do for You? What can I bring to You?
What kind of song would you like me to sing?
'Cause I'll dance a dance for You,
Pour out my love to You,
What can I do for You, beautiful King?
'Cause I can't thank You enough
'Cause I can't thank You enough
What can I do for You? What can I bring to You?
What kind of song would you like me to sing?
'Cause I'll dance a dance for You,
Pour out my love to You,
What can I do for You, beautiful King?
Oh, 'Cause I can't thank You enough
I can't thank You enough
All of the words that I find,
I can't thank You enough
No matter how I try
I can't thank You enough
Then I hear You sing to me,
You sing "You don't have to do a thing,
Just simply be with Me
And let those things go
'Cause they can wait another minute
Wait... this moment is too sweet.
Would you please stay here with Me?
And love on Me a little longer?”
“I'd like to be with you a little longer
I'd love to be with you a little longer
'Cause I'm in love with you”
I believe that if I were to try to describe my heart right now, I could not describe it more specifically than what this song says. I have heard this song several times before, but I never knew all the words. Yesterday morning, as I was praying & reading, I remembered some of the words, and wanted to know the rest, so I found it online. That was the beginning of one of the most challenging, convicting, & heartbreaking conversations I think I have ever had with Jesus.
Something that I find amazing is how the Lord meets us. So many times, I wish I could just see Him, touch Him, hug Him, or physically lean on Him. I wish I could behold Him with my physical eyes, not just my spiritual eyes. What the Lord has shown me so clearly over the last year is that, while seeing Him physically would be amazing, it is not necessary. The means He has given us to know & experience Him are sufficient!! He has given us His word to know Him by, to know His heart and His mind and His character and His example. I think I will always want to hug Him, and will always hope for that, but Jesus said, "Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." We will see Him one day, and we will be able to hug, love, & worship Him in His presence, and it will be unbelievable!!! But, for now, Jesus is able to speak so clearly & gently, yet powerfully through His word, as long as we are still before Him and LISTEN.
That is what happened to me that morning. When I listened, He spoke. He used this song to speak to me about my own perception of pleasing Him.
The very first time I heard this song, I thought, "Oh my gosh, that's what I think! That's what I ask!" referring to the part that says:"What can I do for You? What can I bring to You? What kind of song would You like me to sing?'Cause I'll dance a dance for You, pour out my love to You, what can I do for You, beautiful King??"
I feel like I'm constantly asking God, "What do You want me to do? What do You want me to say? What do You want me to pray? How can I do more? How can I help? How can I be useful? What should I get involved in? How can I use my energy?"
These questions, in and of themselves, are not wrong. How can we please God unless we know what pleases Him? We need to seek His will through His word & much prayer & by being open and flexible to whatever He answers.
Still--- in all of my desires to please God and to do this and that and the other for Him.... I realize that I've forgotten to just spend as much time with Him as He wants. To spend time in the morning with Him is great, and to spend time in prayer & give Him some time before bed is great, right? Isn't that the answer?
Have I come to believe that giving the Lord an hour in the morning & 30 minutes before bed is sufficient? What is that??? An hour and a half set aside for God, but the other 22 and a half hours are spent on whatever I believe I need to do? Jesus is so much more than a morning devotion or a time of prayer or Sunday morning, Monday evening, Wednesday evening meeting. He is not a ritual, and I should set aside however much time HE wants, not the time I think He should have.
Since I have been in California, I have been so restless. I just want to DO something already, to be involved in something, to work, and to be useful. I was so busy when I was in Mallorca, and I loved it. I loved what I did. and I loved "work" though it did not seem like a chore. There was so much to enjoy about working at MBS, and about serving where I could at SPCC [the church]. I loved visiting Marge and baking for Sunday mornings & everything else. I loved getting to know students and helping them with classes, grades, or papers, and working alongside the staff and helping where I was needed.
Now, being in California, all of those things I loved so much are no longer possible. Now the opportunities are different, and fewer. There have been several times where I have felt completely useless, or where I have wondered, "What am I doing here? I should be doing so much more; I should be so much busier!" Oh my goodness. That is where this song comes in, and that is why I feel that my heart has broken, for Jesus. To even think of Him saying,
"You don't have to do a thing. Just simply be with Me,
And let those things go, 'cause they can wait another minute.
Wait...this moment is too sweet,
Would you please stay here with Me?And love on Me a little longer?"
Why is it that when my life has finally slowed down some, I try to busy myself with things to make me feel "more useful"? How can I be of any use to the Lord if I am running around doing things that He has not required of me, in an attempt to make Him proud of my productivity? The most useful my life will ever be is when I am fully abiding in Him, resting in Him, delighting in His presence. And I do...to a point. I am not perfect by ANY means, and I am not a super-Christian who pleases the Lord in everything she does. I wish I could say that was true but sadly, I know it isn't.
I know there are many times where the Lord has to tell me to slow down and rest in Him, because I can become so over-eager in "doing" that I forget that He is the One who needs & wants to do things through me--- I can be so carried away with my plans, and my ideas, and run off in a direction that He isn't leading. He is teaching me to allow Him to lead me by the hand ALWAYS, not just sometimes, or even the majority of the time. With a God who has given me everything, how can I do anything but give Him everything in return? He made the greatest sacrifice for me--- for us!--- by giving His only Son to be killed for the sins of the very people He created to give Him glory. His mercy is so great, His grace is given to us in abundance, and His love is so indescribable, because its like nothing we've ever known! With that measure of love given to me, I should never think it is acceptable to give God the majority. No, He deserves ALL of it: every area, every minute. Every aspect of my life, what I do, speak, think, hear, look at; how I spend my time, what I do or don't do, every thought, idea, motive, reaction, opinion, strength or struggle. All of my life, all of who I am belongs in His hands.
Instead of trying to make Him proud by showing Him what I can do for Him, I now realize that He simply wants me to be with Him. He wants to be with me. To rest in Him, abide in Him, and let every joy of mine be found in spending time with Him. He created us for His glory, to please Him, and to be His chosen generation, His royal priesthood.
Of course, if He says "Go" or "Do" we must go and do whatever it is He has called us to. But when He says, "Stop. Wait. Rest. Don't rush off yet to that next task, to that next appointment, to that work shift, to that opportunity [even ministry!]. Just simply stay with Me & let those things go...they can wait another minute." In order to do anything that brings Him glory or joy [ANY work, any ministry, or obligation], we must first be filled by His Spirit & allow Him to equip us. How can I be filled by Him or experience His love if I don't listen to that still, small voice that tells me when to stop & wait and when to move & act?
Of my own strength, I have nothing to give to Jesus. I am prideful by thinking I have anything to offer the Lord, anything that would impress Him or make Him love me more. If I think I am good and I think He should be pleased with me by giving Him offerings and sacrifices He hasn't required, I'm a fool. The only thing I can give to Jesus is my life, in entirety, holding nothing back. Everything else He has in store for me: every plan, every path to walk in, every area to minister in, only He can do. He will do it through me, but He has to do it, because there is nothing good in me; there is nothing I have to offer.
He desires for me to be an empty vessel, so He can fill me to overflowing with Himself, with His mind, with His characteristics. When I am constantly trying to fill myself with things that He has not placed there, I am only getting in the way of what He wants to do. I am hindering the work, and wasting precious time. A good friend of mine once said, "You have only one life to live--- don't waste it!" It's crazy to think that even filling my life with "good" things can be wasteful, if it is something that I am not meant to do.
I need to be so focused on Jesus, so attuned to Him, so familiar with His voice and His word that I am not easily carried away by my plans and ideas.
I can't please God in my own strength but, thankfully, I don't have to!
He has given me His Son, who has made me acceptable in the sight of God.
It is His strength that is able to do the impossible through me, because He knows that my great weakness requires His greater strength.
And even though my weakness is so great, and my imperfection is so much, His strength and His perfection are SO MUCH greater that I am no match for Him! Praise God!!!
Wow. All that to say: spending time with Him should not be a ritual, because it is not a chore to serve Him!! God is unchanging and He is a God of order, but He is also a God of uniqueness and newness. All of the energy I can muster up is still nowhere near enough to do all the things He has in store for me, so I just need to let Him fill me with Himself.
I want to delight in His presence so much that nothing else is enticing enough to distract me from Him. I don't know if that will happen while I am alive on this earth, but I think its a pretty good goal to have, as long as I don't try to do it in my own efforts. It is an honor, a pleasure, and the biggest and BEST gift to know Him, to hear His voice, and to read His word.
The greatest joy I will ever have is to understand and experience Him, to have a deep, personal relationship with Him. He is the One who sustains me! I want to live a life of integrity that reflects these words; not just to say them with good intention, but to have my life changed by His ability.
Integrity:
1) the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished.
2) the quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.
3) an undivided or unbroken completeness; totality with nothing wanting.
"Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon the earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion FOREVER."
-[Psalm 73:25-26]
Friday, February 6, 2009
Anxiety.
Anxiety in the heart of a man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad."
[Proverbs 12:25]
Within the last 2 days, 3 people whom I love & appreciate very much have mentioned the word "anxiety" to me. Proverbs 12:25 is the first thing I think of when I hear that word.
This evening I was watching a DVD of Alistair Begg teaching at the "Preach the Word!" conference. He taught 1 Peter 5, which was obviously geared toward pastors & aspiring pastors. Still, God is so good, and through His word, He teaches His children. Even though I am not [nor will I ever be] a pastor, He applied it to my life in the "being examples" way rather than the "shepherd the flock" way.
As Alistair was teaching, he spoke about forsaking pompous attitudes to adopt complete gentleness. He also pointed out that, as servants of God, our mouths and our lives speak of the condition of our hearts. He powerfully stated that we need to experience true humility, to the point of being absolutely broken and moldable in the hands of our loving Potter, who reshapes us with purpose, with wisdom, with gentleness, and with the goal of completing that good work. He also reminded that we need to be broken, but not to the point of debilitation. When we are in despair at our own failures & sinfulness, we are not truly understanding that we are nothing & Jesus is our only strength. We should not be surprised by our weakness! Jesus does not say that He will take away our weakness and give us strength that matches His. He tells us that HIS STRENGTH is made perfect in our weakness!
Anyway, I'm slowly starting to make my way down a rabbit trail, and that wasn't the plan.
The topic is anxiety, which, like I mentioned before, is something I've been hearing a lot lately. So it won't surprise you that my jaw literally dropped [no figure of speech; it actually happened] when Alistair began speaking about anxiety!
1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."
I was just talking about this verse with my mom this afternoon! What I did not know, however, is that in the NIV translation, verse 7 actually says, "Casting all your anxiety upon Him, for He cares for you."
This is exactly what Alistair Begg said about this verse:
"Because one of the indications of humility is that we cast our anxieties on the Lord.
It is an expression of pride that thinks we can take care of everything: that we are not only "omniscient" --knowing everything, but that we are also "omni-competent" --able to do everything.
Now if we think that...even for a nanosecond...we need only to have [someone] to come in and give us a little talk; to get us back on track. Because the fact of the matter is, neither Christian living nor pastoral ministry comes with an immunity in the realm of anxiety. Worries, fears, and doubts beset the child of God.
To say they don't is to be neither true to the Bible, nor true to human experience.
Why else would Jesus look to His disciples and ask them a question like, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" or "Why do you fellas worry about stuff?"Or when Paul writes to the Philippians in Philippians 4, he says, "Do not be anxious about anything."
Now, this is not theoretical. Jesus here is addressing real-life people in real-life circumstances, as is Paul! So Jesus, Paul, and Peter all address the same issue. A reminder to us that we are to be an example to others when times & experiences of our lives are unsettling, and even unhinging!...When it seems we're almost neutralized by that which causes us grief, anxiety, and despair” [Alistair Begg].
A few minutes later, Alistair drove the topic a little closer to home by asking pointed questions,
"Do you ever have secret fears about your health?" [Um, yes...]
"Do you have burdens for your family?" [Yup. And not only my family...others' families, too!]
"Do you ever have uncertainties about your effectiveness or usefulness in ministry?" [alllll the time...in fact, just this morning...]
"Have you ever encountered anxious thoughts that spring from nowhere? And they're almost debilitating in their impact?" [YES.]
Okay, wow. Intense, right?
Since you all know I love definitions, this will come as no surprise.
Anxiety:
1. Concern or solicitude respecting some thing or event, future or uncertain, which disturbs the mind, and keeps it in a state of painful uneasiness.
He tells us, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For My yoke is easy and My burden is light" [Matthew 11:28-30].
I also know that, though I am no doctor, our Father in heaven is the Great Physician, and He can heal anything, because He created us & knows us!!
Psalm 139:13-18 says,
"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are your works, And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.
How precious are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You."
During my 4th semester of Bible college, my friend's dad committed suicide. It came as such a shock, since we were so used to seeing the entire family at church, and he seemed to be happy. Sometimes the effects of depression don't show themselves outwardly, at least not in time. Or sometimes maybe the symptoms and signals are there, but we choose to overlook them, thinking, "That couldn't be me."
I know people [several of whom are Christians] who have said or insinuated that it is impossible to know God and suffer from depression or anxiety. I don't think that's true.
I agree with Alistair Begg, who said, "Christian living nor pastoral ministry comes with an immunity in the realm of anxiety. Worries, fears, & doubts beset the child of God. To say they don't is to be neither true to the Bible, nor true to human experience."
Anxiety is felt by everyone. Anxiety in the heart causes depression. To say Christians are exempt from depression is to say that Christians are immune to suffering. It is to say that we will not face difficult times, or times of despair. We will. Trials and tribulations are promised to us. But even when we are struck down, we are not destroyed, because our Lord is the Sustainer of all things.
God does not allow the difficult times because He wants to watch us buckle under the strain of our burdens. That is where the problem lies! To me, this is the very heart of the issue!!
We, as human beings, are under spiritual attack, whether we are Christians or not. Regardless of who we are, we will face anxiety. But Jesus Christ is right there to tell us at the first struggle, "Cast your cares upon Me." Those are burdens that He does not want us to bear, because He knows they would break us. Only Jesus Christ is strong enough to bear the brunt of our burdens and remain strong. Believe me, I've tried many times to help Him out. It doesn't work. I do nothing but make myself tired & weak. The thing is, Jesus does not need our help... in anything. He is fully capable of doing everything absolutely PERFECTLY, because He is perfect, He is mighty, He is our Conqueror!
He is the Captain of our Salvation, only He does not need an army, because His strength far exceeds any other.
Nothing & no one can compare to Him!
Our Father does not need us but, because He loves us deeply and unwaveringly, He chooses to use us. He knows it will bless us to take part in His work, and for that, He lets us participate.
It amazes me that Jesus allows us to participate in all of the great things. He allows us to be a part of His incredible work, to grow, mature, and encourage us, & to reveal Himself to us.
But the difficult, impossible situations--- the ones that He knows will destroy us--- are the ones He does not allow us to take part in. Why is it that the miserable experiences are the things we want to touch, and that we can't let go of?? Why is it that I try to “help” Him with strength that I don’t have? He is already bearing my burdens, and when I try to get under the weight of them to “help” Him, I just become tired and weary. That’s why He takes my burdens and tells me to come to Him and rest, because His burden is easy and His yoke is light.
I don’t see myself as an anxious or depressed person. But when answering the questions above, I realized that I am much weaker than I thought, and I struggle with anxious thoughts in more ways than I noticed. To all of the questions Alistair asked, I answered yes. Maybe my life isn’t characterized by worrying, but there are definitely certain times during which I am caught up in “what if” land and in a worst-case scenario mentality. I do not need to try to prepare myself for every possible situation that COULD happen. I just need to have my eyes fixed on Jesus, gazing at Him and only Him. He will prepare me, and He will instruct me when to prepare myself in that “work out your own salvation in fear & trembling” sense.
As Christians, we are not above stressful times. Stress can manifest itself in millions of ways. But we need to rise above the cares of this world, and not allow ourselves to be choked out by them. The only way to succeed in that is by letting Jesus Christ carry us-- in everything!-- for the victory is already His. We need to stay focused on Him, covered by Him, hidden by Him, and constantly in His word. We need to allow Him to remove our earthly mindset so that He can replace it with His mind…that eternal perspective.
Life is not about money, possessions, or material things. It is not about approval or social standing or making a name for ourselves. Life is about pleasing God. It is about being lights for Him, and about speaking of Him and being an example of Him to a world that desperately needs Him. It is about allowing Jesus to work in us so freely that we allow Him to cut away all of those things that don’t bring honor to Him.
Yeah, it hurts. It hurts to see myself & my bad habits and my selfishness and my impatience and my sin, and to know that I will soon be on the operating table. Surgery is painful, but it is necessary for saving lives. It may hurt to give up some of those things that have been so prominent in my life, but if God wants them to go, it’s because they are ugly & poisonous to my body, and to His Body. So, good riddance!
Family, WE MUST PRAY. We must pray for each other! Anxiety is real; depression is real. Both can cause death. They can cause physical death, yeah. More importantly, they can also cause death in our spirits, because they cause us to focus on ourselves and on our problems, but not on the Savior who rescued us from the grips of death & this present world.
Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
“You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.
Trust in the LORD forever,
For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength.”
[Isaiah 26:3-4]
We cannot diminish the suffering that people experience when they are anxious or depressed [clinically or not]. We must not be quick to judge or jump to conclusions. The Holy Spirit through Paul tells us in Galatians 6:2 to "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
We are not above suffering, we are not above anxiety or depression. I know the Lord needs to continually renew my mind, because if not, I will be wise in my own opinions. He tells us that if we think we stand, we must take heed, lest we fall. If I think I'm a naturally happy person, I begin walking in my own opinions, and in my own strength. I forget that any happiness, any joy, any good mood is placed there only by my loving Father, because every good & perfect gift comes from Him. I want to live my life with the constant understanding that I am absolutely NOTHING. Apart from Him and His love, I have nothing; I am nothing. Only He can fill me with His peace and with joy in believing, and can keep my heart from turning into one of anxiety and stress. He will let me bear His easy yoke and His light burden while He takes those heavy, oppressive ones off of my shoulders. Its an amazing trade--- hard to believe. But I thank God for His ability to strengthen even the weakest creature, and His willingness to mend the cracks in this broken vessel...and when He needs to, to break me and mold me and make me again into another vessel, as He sees fit, like in Jeremiah 18.
[Proverbs 12:25]
Within the last 2 days, 3 people whom I love & appreciate very much have mentioned the word "anxiety" to me. Proverbs 12:25 is the first thing I think of when I hear that word.
This evening I was watching a DVD of Alistair Begg teaching at the "Preach the Word!" conference. He taught 1 Peter 5, which was obviously geared toward pastors & aspiring pastors. Still, God is so good, and through His word, He teaches His children. Even though I am not [nor will I ever be] a pastor, He applied it to my life in the "being examples" way rather than the "shepherd the flock" way.
As Alistair was teaching, he spoke about forsaking pompous attitudes to adopt complete gentleness. He also pointed out that, as servants of God, our mouths and our lives speak of the condition of our hearts. He powerfully stated that we need to experience true humility, to the point of being absolutely broken and moldable in the hands of our loving Potter, who reshapes us with purpose, with wisdom, with gentleness, and with the goal of completing that good work. He also reminded that we need to be broken, but not to the point of debilitation. When we are in despair at our own failures & sinfulness, we are not truly understanding that we are nothing & Jesus is our only strength. We should not be surprised by our weakness! Jesus does not say that He will take away our weakness and give us strength that matches His. He tells us that HIS STRENGTH is made perfect in our weakness!
Anyway, I'm slowly starting to make my way down a rabbit trail, and that wasn't the plan.
The topic is anxiety, which, like I mentioned before, is something I've been hearing a lot lately. So it won't surprise you that my jaw literally dropped [no figure of speech; it actually happened] when Alistair began speaking about anxiety!
1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you."
I was just talking about this verse with my mom this afternoon! What I did not know, however, is that in the NIV translation, verse 7 actually says, "Casting all your anxiety upon Him, for He cares for you."
This is exactly what Alistair Begg said about this verse:
"Because one of the indications of humility is that we cast our anxieties on the Lord.
It is an expression of pride that thinks we can take care of everything: that we are not only "omniscient" --knowing everything, but that we are also "omni-competent" --able to do everything.
Now if we think that...even for a nanosecond...we need only to have [someone] to come in and give us a little talk; to get us back on track. Because the fact of the matter is, neither Christian living nor pastoral ministry comes with an immunity in the realm of anxiety. Worries, fears, and doubts beset the child of God.
To say they don't is to be neither true to the Bible, nor true to human experience.
Why else would Jesus look to His disciples and ask them a question like, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" or "Why do you fellas worry about stuff?"Or when Paul writes to the Philippians in Philippians 4, he says, "Do not be anxious about anything."
Now, this is not theoretical. Jesus here is addressing real-life people in real-life circumstances, as is Paul! So Jesus, Paul, and Peter all address the same issue. A reminder to us that we are to be an example to others when times & experiences of our lives are unsettling, and even unhinging!...When it seems we're almost neutralized by that which causes us grief, anxiety, and despair” [Alistair Begg].
A few minutes later, Alistair drove the topic a little closer to home by asking pointed questions,
"Do you ever have secret fears about your health?" [Um, yes...]
"Do you have burdens for your family?" [Yup. And not only my family...others' families, too!]
"Do you ever have uncertainties about your effectiveness or usefulness in ministry?" [alllll the time...in fact, just this morning...]
"Have you ever encountered anxious thoughts that spring from nowhere? And they're almost debilitating in their impact?" [YES.]
Okay, wow. Intense, right?
Since you all know I love definitions, this will come as no surprise.
Anxiety:
1. Concern or solicitude respecting some thing or event, future or uncertain, which disturbs the mind, and keeps it in a state of painful uneasiness.
Psychologists & psychiatrists can be of help. They study clinical depression, its causes, and its symptoms. They know the facts, and they know how to diagnose. However, I do not believe that we can place our full trust in a doctor or counselor, no matter how professional or trustworthy they are. This isn't saying that people aren't great at their line of work, its just admitting that no person is worthy of our full trust; only Jesus is.
I have a great general practitioner, and he has been a good doctor to me over the years. Still, there have been times when he hasn't been able to figure out the problem, or when he has misdiagnosed me, only to later find out that he had only diagnosed a symptom, not a problem. [It was nothing dangerous, just confusion with my food allergies & the problem behind it.] While I still trust him as my doctor, I know that he is not omniscient.
Only my Lord knows every single thing about me, the number of hairs on my head, every scrape, bruise, and scar that I have ever gotten, every sickness [physical, mental, spiritual, or emotional] and how to correctly diagnose it. He is the Healer. Its not just that He sees where I need healing & gives me medicine. He is the answer; He is the prescription. The answer is more of Him, more of His Spirit, more of His word, more of His presence in my life, and more freedom for Him to move in my life and change me as He sees fit.
Yes, as far as doctors go, medicine is often the answer. God has given natural remedies, but He has also gifted men & women with the intelligence to create medicine to cure problems, illnesses, and diseases. I understand that medicine is something God has provided and allowed. Lives have been saved because of medicine, and because of knowledgeable doctors who do their jobs well.
Still, our hope cannot be in medicine. We must not turn to worship the creature rather than the Creator. Regardless of the gift of medical professionals & modern medicine, it is God who has given those gifts. To turn and worship His gift is so backwards....our focus is to be on the Giver!
He tells us, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For My yoke is easy and My burden is light" [Matthew 11:28-30].
I also know that, though I am no doctor, our Father in heaven is the Great Physician, and He can heal anything, because He created us & knows us!!
Psalm 139:13-18 says,
"For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother's womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are your works, And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.
How precious are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You."
During my 4th semester of Bible college, my friend's dad committed suicide. It came as such a shock, since we were so used to seeing the entire family at church, and he seemed to be happy. Sometimes the effects of depression don't show themselves outwardly, at least not in time. Or sometimes maybe the symptoms and signals are there, but we choose to overlook them, thinking, "That couldn't be me."
I know people [several of whom are Christians] who have said or insinuated that it is impossible to know God and suffer from depression or anxiety. I don't think that's true.
I agree with Alistair Begg, who said, "Christian living nor pastoral ministry comes with an immunity in the realm of anxiety. Worries, fears, & doubts beset the child of God. To say they don't is to be neither true to the Bible, nor true to human experience."
Anxiety is felt by everyone. Anxiety in the heart causes depression. To say Christians are exempt from depression is to say that Christians are immune to suffering. It is to say that we will not face difficult times, or times of despair. We will. Trials and tribulations are promised to us. But even when we are struck down, we are not destroyed, because our Lord is the Sustainer of all things.
God does not allow the difficult times because He wants to watch us buckle under the strain of our burdens. That is where the problem lies! To me, this is the very heart of the issue!!
We, as human beings, are under spiritual attack, whether we are Christians or not. Regardless of who we are, we will face anxiety. But Jesus Christ is right there to tell us at the first struggle, "Cast your cares upon Me." Those are burdens that He does not want us to bear, because He knows they would break us. Only Jesus Christ is strong enough to bear the brunt of our burdens and remain strong. Believe me, I've tried many times to help Him out. It doesn't work. I do nothing but make myself tired & weak. The thing is, Jesus does not need our help... in anything. He is fully capable of doing everything absolutely PERFECTLY, because He is perfect, He is mighty, He is our Conqueror!
He is the Captain of our Salvation, only He does not need an army, because His strength far exceeds any other.
Nothing & no one can compare to Him!
Our Father does not need us but, because He loves us deeply and unwaveringly, He chooses to use us. He knows it will bless us to take part in His work, and for that, He lets us participate.
It amazes me that Jesus allows us to participate in all of the great things. He allows us to be a part of His incredible work, to grow, mature, and encourage us, & to reveal Himself to us.
But the difficult, impossible situations--- the ones that He knows will destroy us--- are the ones He does not allow us to take part in. Why is it that the miserable experiences are the things we want to touch, and that we can't let go of?? Why is it that I try to “help” Him with strength that I don’t have? He is already bearing my burdens, and when I try to get under the weight of them to “help” Him, I just become tired and weary. That’s why He takes my burdens and tells me to come to Him and rest, because His burden is easy and His yoke is light.
I don’t see myself as an anxious or depressed person. But when answering the questions above, I realized that I am much weaker than I thought, and I struggle with anxious thoughts in more ways than I noticed. To all of the questions Alistair asked, I answered yes. Maybe my life isn’t characterized by worrying, but there are definitely certain times during which I am caught up in “what if” land and in a worst-case scenario mentality. I do not need to try to prepare myself for every possible situation that COULD happen. I just need to have my eyes fixed on Jesus, gazing at Him and only Him. He will prepare me, and He will instruct me when to prepare myself in that “work out your own salvation in fear & trembling” sense.
As Christians, we are not above stressful times. Stress can manifest itself in millions of ways. But we need to rise above the cares of this world, and not allow ourselves to be choked out by them. The only way to succeed in that is by letting Jesus Christ carry us-- in everything!-- for the victory is already His. We need to stay focused on Him, covered by Him, hidden by Him, and constantly in His word. We need to allow Him to remove our earthly mindset so that He can replace it with His mind…that eternal perspective.
Life is not about money, possessions, or material things. It is not about approval or social standing or making a name for ourselves. Life is about pleasing God. It is about being lights for Him, and about speaking of Him and being an example of Him to a world that desperately needs Him. It is about allowing Jesus to work in us so freely that we allow Him to cut away all of those things that don’t bring honor to Him.
Yeah, it hurts. It hurts to see myself & my bad habits and my selfishness and my impatience and my sin, and to know that I will soon be on the operating table. Surgery is painful, but it is necessary for saving lives. It may hurt to give up some of those things that have been so prominent in my life, but if God wants them to go, it’s because they are ugly & poisonous to my body, and to His Body. So, good riddance!
Family, WE MUST PRAY. We must pray for each other! Anxiety is real; depression is real. Both can cause death. They can cause physical death, yeah. More importantly, they can also cause death in our spirits, because they cause us to focus on ourselves and on our problems, but not on the Savior who rescued us from the grips of death & this present world.
Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
“You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.
Trust in the LORD forever,
For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength.”
[Isaiah 26:3-4]
We cannot diminish the suffering that people experience when they are anxious or depressed [clinically or not]. We must not be quick to judge or jump to conclusions. The Holy Spirit through Paul tells us in Galatians 6:2 to "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
We are not above suffering, we are not above anxiety or depression. I know the Lord needs to continually renew my mind, because if not, I will be wise in my own opinions. He tells us that if we think we stand, we must take heed, lest we fall. If I think I'm a naturally happy person, I begin walking in my own opinions, and in my own strength. I forget that any happiness, any joy, any good mood is placed there only by my loving Father, because every good & perfect gift comes from Him. I want to live my life with the constant understanding that I am absolutely NOTHING. Apart from Him and His love, I have nothing; I am nothing. Only He can fill me with His peace and with joy in believing, and can keep my heart from turning into one of anxiety and stress. He will let me bear His easy yoke and His light burden while He takes those heavy, oppressive ones off of my shoulders. Its an amazing trade--- hard to believe. But I thank God for His ability to strengthen even the weakest creature, and His willingness to mend the cracks in this broken vessel...and when He needs to, to break me and mold me and make me again into another vessel, as He sees fit, like in Jeremiah 18.
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